Adoption Court Date Set for Charlie!

We're very happy to report that Charlie's adoption hearing has been scheduled for Friday, December 16th.  As of that date, he will be officially ours!

I'm so thankful that my wife is talented at gently harassing all the social workers, lawyers, and assistants in the system to make this happen.  We really wanted to get this paperwork completed by the end of the year (for a number of reasons) and it definitely wouldn't have happened without Tori's very frequent phone calls.

It's crazy to think that we lost custody of Charlie for a month.  I just re-read the blog post that I wrote when we lost him and I feel a little embarrassed about how at terms we were with everything.  It's kind of bizarre to understand my mindset at that time given how attached I am to him at this point.  I think that, as much as I wanted to think otherwise, there is just a difference in how connected you can be to a child when you know that you may not get to keep him or her.  It must be some kind of self-defense mechanism.  We definitely experienced loss and sadness, but it did not debilitate us like I think some people thought it would. And, unfortunately, I feel like our experience losing Charlie for that month has turned a few prospective foster parents that we know away from becoming foster parents because of the twists and turns that they have witnessed us go through.  I really wish that wasn't the case because I think that you do figure out how to deal with it -- it's sort of hard to explain unless you've gone through it.

Anyway, the point is that now I cannot possibly imagine losing Charlie.  You know that song, "(You Make Me Feel Like a) Natural Woman"?  Charlie makes me feel like a natural mother.  He is the only one of our three kids who has a clear preference for me, so I have to admit that it makes me feel special to have him always reaching out for me or crying until I hold him (though sometimes it's both a blessing and a curse!).  On a deeper level, Charlie has not been an easy baby and so the fact that he has challenged us and that I've still managed to be a loving and (mostly) patient mother gives me confidence.  Because I have certainly wondered whether I have the proper personality for being a good mother!

That's just one reason that Charlie is so special to me.  I also love his great cuddling skills, the way he crinkles his nose when he laughs, his willingness to eat anything and everything (except hummus), his pure joy at laughing with/at Skip, and his adorable face.  We're so excited for him to *officially* become our son, although of course he's already been a member of our family before we sign any of these documents.

Now if he would just learn to walk!

Thank You For Not Choking

On this Thanksgiving weekend, I am feeling very thankful for all the items that Charlie has NOT choked on.  Here are some of the items I have found in his mouth:

a safety pin
a screw
a pushpin
a hairball
a small bouncy ball
endless piles of sand

And, of course, the most frightening of all was the tiny lava rock from our fireplace.  Had to call the paramedics on that one.  We try really hard to have a safe environment for him, but it's pretty challenging with older siblings who leave things out.  And many of the items on this list were when we were visiting other people's houses who do not have children.  The hairball unfortunately was at our house (Zadie is the only one with long hair!).

Soon I think we will be in the clear and we'll not have to constantly be ripping things out of his mouth.  We've got him trained pretty well -- we just say "Open your mouth!" and then he spits the item out.

Enjoying the Kids

Today we were driving the kids back home from a friend's house in Long Beach and Skip and Zadie were behaving terribly.  They were fighting, crying, and whining.  I told Tori that I was really surprised that our kids weren't better behaved.  I really thought my children would be such model citizens.  I don't know if this is just normal kid behavior or if our kids are more whiny than other kids, but I just really don't think that my brother and sister and I could have acted like that when we were kids.  I'm not sure what my parents were doing differently.  Were we just too afraid to act like that because of being punished (not that my parents were overly strict)?  Do Tori and I coddle our kids?  I don't think that's the case -- most of the time it seems like I get better results being patient than being really strict and upset with them.

Then we came home and had lunch (it's another rainy day) and lit a fire in the fireplace.  Skip sat on a chair near the fire and stared into the fire, mesmerized as if he was watching a really good cartoon on television.  He let me sit with him and cuddle next to the fire and we read books together.  They all ate well and were very excited about getting crackers as a reward for eating their lunches (such a treat!).

Suddenly our kids seemed so sweet and well-behaved.  I don't know what to make of all this.  I just wish I could figure out how to make our kids sweet all the time.  I often feel like Rodney King: "Can't we all just get along?"

New Family Photo

My sister Kim recently did a photo shoot with our family and I really loved this photo she snapped (so much so that it's currently the header on our blog).  She got some other nice ones, too, but I think we'll use one of the others for our holiday card, so you'll all just have to be on pins and needles until then!

If I could make our kids less attractive in exchange for being better behaved, I would make that trade in a quick minute.  But I'm not aware of how to make that happen, so they just continue to be good-looking but poorly behaved.

Occupy L.A. & Questioning Authority

This past Friday we had the day off because of Veteran's Day, so we decided to take the train downtown to visit the Occupy L.A. protest in front of City Hall.  This was mainly Tori's idea, but I thought it might be a good civics lesson and memory for the kids.

Side-note: I have a lot of great memories of time I spent with my grandma in Texas, but one of my very favorites is taking her to a huge anti-Iraq war protest when she came to visit me and my sister in San Francisco.  Now that was really something to see, with hundreds of thousands of people pouring into the streets and marches and artwork and music.  Imagine you're an 80-year-old woman who was raised on a dairy farm in East Texas and your crazy granddaughters make you push your way onto a ridiculously crowded train to see it all.  Actually, she loved it because of the great people-watching!

Anyway, I think Tori maybe had some visions of a big movement with a drum circle and people passionate about their cause.  Instead we found lots of tents and a scattering of people, but most of them were clearly homeless and mentally ill.  Tori was really disappointed about the whole arrangement.  Still, we took this photo to remember the occasion.

Before we arrived at the protest, I tried explaining to Zadie what a protest was and why sometimes people decide to protest against a government or a company or whatever the case may be.  But I didn't delve into too much detail because I realized I didn't want to plant any crazy ideas about questioning the authority figures in her life.  I have enough trouble without her deciding she wants to start protesting her parents' rule.

And I speak from personal experience on this because when I was about 10 years old I remember spending a Saturday morning watching Bridge on the River Kwai and being so deeply moved by the hunger strike of the main character that I was inspired to start my own hunger strike.  My cause?  I demanded that my mom make me pancakes and vowed not to eat anything until she did.  I gave in around late afternoon, I think.

Skip and Zadie

I like this picture for many reasons.  First of all, I like the way that Skip is looking at Zadie.  Although they are often quite competitive with each other, they also do have a very deep connection and much prefer to be in one another's company than not.  When we put them to bed at night, they laugh and talk to each other for about 30 minutes (or sometimes longer) before falling asleep.  And in the morning Skip always wakes up first and yells for Zadie to wake up.  They can't actually get out of bed until their little alarm clock lights up, so then they lie in bed talking and playing for a little bit longer.  It's pretty cute (except when it happens way too early and also wakes Charlie up).

Zadie is definitely the prototypical oldest child in terms of how she bosses and cares for Skip, some of which he completely disregards and some of which, surprisingly, he really seems to appreciate.

I also like this picture because I like both of their outfits, but Zadie's in particular.  I can't remember where we were going on this day, but it was a beautiful and sunny day and Zadie was stylish in her little jumper.  And Skip is quite a looker, too!

Rainy Morning

When the kids woke up this morning, Tori said, "Guess what?  It's RAINING outside!" and they squealed with delight.  On rainy days,Tori lets them watch movies, which is a very exciting occasion in their lives.  It's quite exciting for me, too, because then they just sit happily on the couch and watch Kipper on our laptop while I get to read the paper and drink tea.

It has rained all morning and the kids watched two episodes of Kipper (my sister gave me the tip about that show because so many of the other kids shows are way too annoying, like Barney or Caillou), played a board game with Tori, and then basically ran out of indoor activities.  I suggested watching more Kipper, but Tori got Skip and Zadie all bundled up in rain jackets and boots and she took them out for a wet adventure.  They stomped in puddles, found new waterfalls, and generally mucked around in the rain.  They were gone for about an hour and just came back for a nice warm bath.

The rain stopped just now.  It's been a fun morning!

Charlie Loses His Curls

Charlie has very, um, distinctive hair.  It's red and curly.  Not tight curls but long curly locks.  We were kind of attached to his curls, so we didn't get him a haircut for a long time.  Recently he started to resemble Bozo the Clown with the curls sticking out on the sides, so Tori took him to get a haircut.

I'm wondering if Tori asked the lady to cut his hair just like hers.  The similarity is remarkable -- they both have pixy cuts!

Halloween Photos

Finally getting a chance to post some photos from Halloween.  Tori did a great job on Zadie's costume -- she was Pippi Longstocking -- and Skip's costume also turned out well.  He ended up being a farmer/cowboy, even though originally we were going to make him Pippi's friend Tommy.  And Charlie was Pippi's monkey, which worked out well since it kept him warm on a fairly cold (for California) trick-or-treating night.  So we didn't pull off a theme like we try to every year, but they were still pretty cute.

And I was particularly proud of Tori for telling the kids they could eat an unlimited amount of candy that night IF they ate all their dinner.  We stuck to our promise and Skip, in particular, completely gorged on candy.  I don't think he's ever experienced anything remotely like that.  It's kind of funny for me to think about how all his food is so tightly regulated and healthy and then all of the sudden his parents dress him up in a funny outfit, tell him to go knock on people's doors, and he gets to eat all the candy he's ever wanted.  Seems kind of overwhelming, but he adjusted just fine.

It was a really fun night and one of those times when I tried to stop and pinpoint why exactly I was having so much fun with my kids.  Frankly, I wish I felt that way more often (instead of being tired or hurrying or nagging) and so when it happens I really try to figure out what is making me so happy and how I can replicate it in the future.  I think it was fun not to have any rules and just let the kids do whatever they wanted.  It turns out that I enjoy my children way more when they're eating tons of candy.  I'm sure that goes both ways.