Pomegranate Season

It's pomegranate season and we've been relieving all the neighborhood trees of their heavy, heavy burden. There was a nice one on city property that Tori climbed into one night for a whole bagful and also some neighbors who sent us a few bags. People seem to be letting them rot otherwise. We've loved adding them to salads and just eating them as a stand-alone snack.

Pomegranates were the one fruit I absolutely loved as a kid, I think because it was so rare that we had them.

I think this photo Tori took is beautiful in so many ways. Quite the bounty (and the mess).

Halloween 2013

This is the first year we've let one of our kids choose what they want to be for Halloween. Usually we give them a list of acceptable options and they pick within that, but Zadie really wanted to do her own thing. She wanted to make her own costume so she spent about two weeks making her robot outfit and finding random bits of silly stuff to glue gun onto the box.

We'll probably have to stop being so controlling about Halloween costumes soon, but Tori pretty much requires that they either use their imagination or let us use it on their behalf. We vetoed Skip's desire to be Batman and Charlie's desire to be Superman -- sorry, no superheroes! But when they older and care more, I promise we'll cede the battle. At this point they feel passionately about it for five minutes and then forget all about it.

Skip's In-N-Out costume was Tori's idea, of course while we were dining at that fine establishment. I chose this photo of the back of Skip because it shows she even got the oversized safety pin for the apron (for those poor out-of-staters who don't have In-N-Out Burger, it's a key part of the uniform!). He looked pretty legit. She made the red apron out of a red re-usable bag and just cut out the bottom and tied it around his wait with the arms from the bag. She also got a little In-N-Out lapel pin.

Charlie was the Tin Man this year, which is a homemade costume that Zadie wore twice and Skip has worn once. We were just thankful he actually agreed to keep the thing on because he's pretty stubborn about wearing costumes (and everything else!).

Tori's mom Linda came down from Washington to celebrate her favorite holiday with us. Sure wish I had asked her to get in the photos!

Charlie Turned Three Years Old

Interview w/Charlie from Kate K. on Vimeo.

Our youngest child turned three years old a few months ago and I didn't even document the occasion. We had a nice birthday party for him in Manhattan Beach with friends and family, but instead of sharing photos from that day I thought I'd go ahead and post this video of me attempting to interview him (taken a few months before his birthday).

Someone recently started giving me the big talk about how you have to treasure these early years because they go by so quickly. But then right when I was starting to zone out from the conversation -- since it's one that I have so often! -- the person said something that stuck with me. She encouraged me to make sure and take videos when the kids are little so that we'll always be able to actually remember what they sounded like. I know this is not earth-shattering advice, but it was a good reminder since lately Tori and I have been absolutely terrible about taking photos and videos.

So I'm on a new kick not only to take more videos, but also to actually upload them off the iPad so that I won't permanently lose them.

One of the things I absolutely love about Charlie is the way he talks. Not only the way he sounds, but the funny stuff he says. I can't really capture much of that in a video (since he says all the funny stuff when I'm not filming), but I like this video because I think it captures his funny way of speaking.

Superhero Brothers

Love the joy on their faces in this photo from a few months ago. And I can't believe Charlie was actually catching that much air. 

That's all. Just wanted to post this fun photo.

Charlie Turned Two a While Back

I'm a bit late in sharing that Charlie turned two about a month ago.  There is so much to say about this child.  He is by far our most stubborn and feisty child, but he's also our most sweet and affectionate child.  He can be so charming and adorable that it makes you overlook some of his faults.  I know that Skip and Zadie feel the same way about him -- sometimes he drives them crazy wrecking their projects and biting Skip when he gets mad at him, but they always forgive him. Charlie is definitely a two-year-old with a very big personality!

We had a joint beach birthday party this year with Charlie's cousin Gavin.  Joint parties are great because you get another family to help you lug a bunch of stuff to the beach and clean up!  Also, Charlie and Gavin have a special bond, so it was nice for them to celebrate their birthdays together.  Thanks to Gavin's mom Katie for all the photos!

Gavin and Charlie with their birthday cake.

Charlie and Skip with their biological half-sister Hannah (same birth mom).  We're so happy Hannah is in our life.  Note the crazy resemblance between Hannah and Skip!

Portrait of our young man at the beach.  He's starting to thin out, but he's still got some great cheeks!

Ozboblie

Naming a child is an honor, but kind of a stressful honor.  I think most people want something that is special and maybe a little bit unique, but not something that they'll be tortured about at school.  We feel like we hit the sweet spot with Zadie.  With Skip, we sometimes worry that he might catch some hell for his funny name (though mostly I think he can pull it off).  And with Charlie, we worry that we over-corrected a bit much and there will be three other Charlies in his class and on his soccer team.

I think naming your child is much harder when it's a foster child and you only have literally five to ten minutes notice that this human being will be entering your life.  Somehow with both Skip and Charlie, we really felt like we were in a pressure cooker to come up with a name and we spent lots of time agonizing over it -- all during the same period when we were extremely sleep-deprived because we were unexpectedly taking care of a newborn.  The longer it dragged on, the more entrenched each of us got with our favorite names.

Charlie was always on our list of favorite names, but after we actually brought home the boy now known as Charlie (he was named Ryan Michael by his birth parents), Tori became so dead set on naming him Ozzie that I feel she really started to hate any other name.  My version of this story is that I finally acquiesced to letting her call him Ozzie as long as she understood that it was temporary until we came to a final decision (since she said we needed to call him something).  Her version is that I reneged on the name.

Anyway, I ultimately backed out of Ozzie and Tori has never really forgiven me for that one.  Lately she's really taken to calling him Ozzie and he now answers to both Charlie and Ozzie.  Skip and Zadie have also lately started to call him Ozzie.

And now, in addition to Charlie and Ozzie (and the fact that he'll always be Ryan to his birth parents), this child can add a new name to the list: Bobby!  It started a few weeks ago when I went on a little drive alone with Charlie and I tried to actually strike up conversation.  Among the many questions I asked him was what his name was.  He didn't say anything, so I said, "Is your name John?" And he kept saying no to a few names until I got to Bobby, and then he said yes.  And when I would ask what his name was, he kept saying it was Bobby, but in this funny baby way that sounded like Bubby.  Now the other kids think it's really funny to ask him what his name is and listen to him say "Bubby" in his ridiculous little voice.  And they all get the giggles really bad.

So there it is.  It's so hard to come up with just the right name for your child that this poor little boy has three or four!  Maybe we can call him Ozboblie for short -- bet there won't be any other kids on his soccer team with that one!

Charlie in Portland

Tori and the kids hit the road again earlier this week.  Tori piled our three kids and lots luggage, scooters, and an ice chest into our dear Honda Civic to begin her long journey to Seattle.  She was fortunate to have our friend Maya riding shotgun and helping with the kids for the first leg (to San Francisco), but since then she's been doing it all on her own and staying with family and friends along the way.

I thought this seemed like a really bad idea, but last night she told me that it's kind of nice to spend about 4-5 hours per day with the kids strapped into their seats while all she has to do is drive.  That's one way to look at it, I suppose.  She said it's tiring to drive that long and her butt hurts, but at least the kids mostly just sit there or sleep and they actually understand that she can't really meet their needs while she's driving.  The other help is that Skip and Zadie are allowed to use the iPad in 10-minute turns and they only get to use it on long car rides or airplane rides, so they find that very exciting and we have lots of cool games that help pass the time.  For this trip, Tori strapped a bungee cord across the front seat headrests and then hangs the iPad on there so that they can actually watch a movie -- just like those fancy people who have built-in DVD players!

Anyway, the point of this post was to share this sweet photo that Tori sent me yesterday.  They're spending the weekend in Portland with Tori's brother Adam and family.  I love this photo of Charlie.  He can certainly be sour, but mostly he's such a sweet child and I miss him very much!

Costa Rica: Charlie and the Blue Suit

Tori's sister Katie and her family are now in Costa Rica with Tori, our kids, and Grandma Linda.  Before Katie arrived, Tori and Linda gave her a list of a million items they needed her to bring.  Katie was such a good sport about this.

One of the top items was rash guards for the kids because they're basically spending all day in the sun.  And poor little Charlie is rather on the fair-skinned side.  So Tori found this super-duper blue suit thingie on the internet and had it delivered to Katie's house.  It's quite the funny little number, especially with Charlie's physique!

Costa Rica: Goofballs with Pipe Cleaners

Tori and her mom are both good at facilitating creativity with our kids, so apparently they took our supply of fuzzy pipe cleaners to Costa Rica with them.  A few nights ago I got a flurry of photos with the kids wearing pipe cleaners in a variety of creative ways, so here is a sampling!

Double the Trouble, Double the Fun

Ever since Charlie was very small, Skip has made him belly laugh.  I don't know what it is about Skip, but when Zadie tries she can't quite get him to laugh like Skip can.  Now that Charlie is walking, the two boys have been having lots of fun chasing each other around the house and generally being boys together.

The only problem with this is that, at some point, Charlie's laughter typically turns to tears during the course of their play because Skip gets so hyped up that he ends up hurting him.  So it's kind of hard as a parent to monitor because you want them to play together like wild boys, but you're just waiting to intervene for when Skip takes something too far and accidentally hurts him.  Charlie doesn't stay upset long and hopefully as Skip gets older he'll be better about being more gentle.  Or, more likely, Charlie will get bigger and will start hurting Skip instead!

Anyway, hearing these two boys laugh and play together is definitely a fun part of our daily lives.  They were both giggling like crazy before Tori took out the video camera and then, like always, they get interested in the video camera and stop laughing quite so hard.  So watch the video and imagine the laughter times ten.

Skip & Charlie Jumping on Bed from Kate K. on Vimeo.

The Limitations of a Manny

It's not weird enough to be one of the very few (only?) same sex couples in our town with kids.  We're also the only people I know who have a male nanny, or "manny."  Uncle Hank, Tori's brother, has been our nanny since Zadie was about six months old and has been extremely talented and resilient as we continue to pile more and more kids on him!  I really respect Uncle Hank for his seemingly unending supply of patience (I've never seen him lose his temper or get frustrated), his creativity, and his willingness to play Legos with our kids for hours upon hours.  We are extremely fortunate to have a manny who is not only a close family member, but also a gifted caregiver.

Having said all this, there are some limitations to having a manny.  Just check out the above photo to see how he dressed our two boys.  I came home from work and asked Tori if that was some kind of a joke.  Why does he always try to match plaids with plaid?  I think that's one of the first things you learn as a kid when you learn how to get dressed in the morning -- plaids never go with plaids.

But, despite his severe deficiencies in the wardrobe department, we are very fortunate to have Uncle Hank!

The Ranch Files: Charlie Starts to Walk

As I've previously written, I'm really excited for Charlie to learn to walk, and I have very high expectations for how our life is going to improve once that happens.  Well, it hasn't fully happened yet, but he definitely did more walking at the ranch than he's ever done before.  Maybe the fresh air inspired him to be more mobile.

This is a video of him taking a few steps.  I love the sound of my Aunt Dana's Texan accent in the background saying, "Ride 'em, cowboy!"


Charlie Walks! from Kate K. on Vimeo.

Charlie is Officially Adopted!

 I'm happy to report that Charlie was officially adopted on Friday, December 16th.  We've been eagerly anticipating this moment for a very long time.  I'm fortunate to have a wife who is very talented at pursuing social workers and lawyers with her own personal blend of friendly stalkerism -- without her follow-up there's no way that this could have happened before the end of the year.

What does this mean?  First and foremost, this means that Charlie is officially our child and no one can ever, ever take him away from us again.  As they said in court, we have all the rights and responsibilities of parents and Charlie is due any inheritance as a "natural" child.  Sorry about that last part, Charlie.  Not sure how much help we'll be in that department.

It also means no more visits from social workers, no more paperwork, no more locking up all our knives, and no more smoke detectors (just kidding about that last one!!).

This tuxedo that Charlie was wearing was a hand-me-down from a friend and it happened to fit him perfectly.  He was quite adorable in court, especially after they gave him his little teddy bear (all kids get teddy bears when they're adopted).  The judge and other staff were quite smitten.  And so are we!

When Charlie Starts to Walk...

I've always been pretty good at being content.  I know some people who struggle to enjoy the moment since they're kind of preoccupied with the next thing, whether that's a new adventure or a new material good or a change in status.  Unfortunately, since I've become a parent (of multiple children at least), I find myself guilty of the same compulsion.  I often find myself looking forward to the next developmental stage because I like to imagine that life is going to be soooo much easier once I get to that next stage.

When Charlie was an extremely unhappy newborn, I was very focused on making it to three months because I had heard that's when all that colic-y stuff ends.  As my dad would say, I was in "survival mode" to make it to that milestone.  Turns out that crying stuff didn't go away until the six-month mark and when it did, life was definitely much easier but I quickly found something else to focus on.  I remember one big milestone I was focused on was when we could transition him off the bottle.  I thought that was going to be a big life-changer.  I did a Facebook post about never washing another bottle again for the rest of my life.

But somehow I don't think that really changed much (it's not like you don't have to wash sippy cups!).  My latest preoccupation is Charlie walking.  This child is pushing 15 months and still not walking (although he has definitely taken steps and I need to catch it on video).  It seems like I've been telling anyone who would listen for the past six months that as soon as Charlie starts walking, things will be a lot easier.

This time, I can't help but believe this is going to be a game-changer.  First of all, he's really heavy.  I think he weighs around 35 lbs and that's a lot of weight to be lugging around all the time.  Secondly, he's really happy when he's playing with his siblings, but he gets sad when he gets left behind all the time because they're running around without him.  I have a vision that involves my three children frolicking together, skipping around and running, just as happy as can be.  When Charlie starts to walk, they'll be so happy playing together that there won't be any crying or fighting and there probably won't even be much need for parenting, really.  I think I'll just sit at the kitchen table sipping my green tea and casually reading the newspaper while glancing up occasionally to watch them frolicking around in the yard.

It's gonna be great.

Adoption Court Date Set for Charlie!

We're very happy to report that Charlie's adoption hearing has been scheduled for Friday, December 16th.  As of that date, he will be officially ours!

I'm so thankful that my wife is talented at gently harassing all the social workers, lawyers, and assistants in the system to make this happen.  We really wanted to get this paperwork completed by the end of the year (for a number of reasons) and it definitely wouldn't have happened without Tori's very frequent phone calls.

It's crazy to think that we lost custody of Charlie for a month.  I just re-read the blog post that I wrote when we lost him and I feel a little embarrassed about how at terms we were with everything.  It's kind of bizarre to understand my mindset at that time given how attached I am to him at this point.  I think that, as much as I wanted to think otherwise, there is just a difference in how connected you can be to a child when you know that you may not get to keep him or her.  It must be some kind of self-defense mechanism.  We definitely experienced loss and sadness, but it did not debilitate us like I think some people thought it would. And, unfortunately, I feel like our experience losing Charlie for that month has turned a few prospective foster parents that we know away from becoming foster parents because of the twists and turns that they have witnessed us go through.  I really wish that wasn't the case because I think that you do figure out how to deal with it -- it's sort of hard to explain unless you've gone through it.

Anyway, the point is that now I cannot possibly imagine losing Charlie.  You know that song, "(You Make Me Feel Like a) Natural Woman"?  Charlie makes me feel like a natural mother.  He is the only one of our three kids who has a clear preference for me, so I have to admit that it makes me feel special to have him always reaching out for me or crying until I hold him (though sometimes it's both a blessing and a curse!).  On a deeper level, Charlie has not been an easy baby and so the fact that he has challenged us and that I've still managed to be a loving and (mostly) patient mother gives me confidence.  Because I have certainly wondered whether I have the proper personality for being a good mother!

That's just one reason that Charlie is so special to me.  I also love his great cuddling skills, the way he crinkles his nose when he laughs, his willingness to eat anything and everything (except hummus), his pure joy at laughing with/at Skip, and his adorable face.  We're so excited for him to *officially* become our son, although of course he's already been a member of our family before we sign any of these documents.

Now if he would just learn to walk!

Thank You For Not Choking

On this Thanksgiving weekend, I am feeling very thankful for all the items that Charlie has NOT choked on.  Here are some of the items I have found in his mouth:

a safety pin
a screw
a pushpin
a hairball
a small bouncy ball
endless piles of sand

And, of course, the most frightening of all was the tiny lava rock from our fireplace.  Had to call the paramedics on that one.  We try really hard to have a safe environment for him, but it's pretty challenging with older siblings who leave things out.  And many of the items on this list were when we were visiting other people's houses who do not have children.  The hairball unfortunately was at our house (Zadie is the only one with long hair!).

Soon I think we will be in the clear and we'll not have to constantly be ripping things out of his mouth.  We've got him trained pretty well -- we just say "Open your mouth!" and then he spits the item out.

Charlie Loses His Curls

Charlie has very, um, distinctive hair.  It's red and curly.  Not tight curls but long curly locks.  We were kind of attached to his curls, so we didn't get him a haircut for a long time.  Recently he started to resemble Bozo the Clown with the curls sticking out on the sides, so Tori took him to get a haircut.

I'm wondering if Tori asked the lady to cut his hair just like hers.  The similarity is remarkable -- they both have pixy cuts!

Charlie's First Words

As odd as it is, I would have to say that Charlie's first word was "uh-oh."  I wish that it was "mama," but although he can definitely and occasionally does say "mama," he doesn't really say it with the proper context.  On the other hand, he totally understands the uh-oh concept and says it at the perfect moment.

The other word that he has just started saying is "bye-bye."  Once I thought he said it when Zadie was making him wave goodbye, but maybe that was a coincidence.

He really is hitting all kinds of developmental milestones lately -- my favorite is that he now uses the proper sign for "more" instead of just screaming like a wild man.  That is a huge relief and hopefully he'll learn some other signs, too.

I'm eagerly waiting for him to start walking because I think that will be really fun (hopefully I don't eat my words).  But he's rather on the heavy side, so it will be nice when he doesn't need to be held all the time.  And I also know that he'll have more fun keeping up with his siblings once he can walk.

I seem to always be creating these light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel scenarios, so my current version of that is that our lives will be soooo much easier once Charlie can walk.  Fingers crossed!

Charlie One-Year Appointment

Because I try to use this blog as a baby book, I try to always enter the info for the kids' appointments.  You may have noticed that Charlie is a tad chunky, but actually his weight was only in the 85th percentile (25 lbs, 12 oz), his height was the 55th percentile (30 inches) and of course his enormous head was in the 97th percentile (19.25 somethings).  He and Zadie are two peas in a pod when it comes to big heads!

He's on track with everything developmentally, though he doesn't seem to be in any rush to take steps.  He's pretty content crawling around (he finally crawls the "real" way now).  Unfortunately he still has to take lots of medication for his childhood asthma, but all in all he's doing great.

His favorite thing in the world watching his siblings romp around.  A close second is feeding himself...that always seems to entertain him for long periods of time.

MY very favorite thing about Charlie is his great belly laugh.  It's almost husky and it makes me happy every time I hear it.

Charlie Turns One!

Charlie turned one year on September 20th and we had a small party in the park with some dear friends.  I felt a little differently about this milestone than I did for other two kids, as you can kind of gather from the Evite text below:

It's been a tough first year. Between the emergency stomach surgery at three weeks, the non-stop crying for the first six months, the emotions of the court taking him away for a month, the chronic ear infections and childhood asthma, and then that time a few weeks ago when he swallowed a tiny lava rock and we had to call 911...let's just say that we are ready to celebrate a very important milestone.

Homeboy is a survivor. He made it. We made it. Let's have a party in the park!

So, as you can tell from the invitation and the photos below, we had quite a bit to celebrate and we are thankful to the friends and family members (including my parents coming up from San Diego and my Aunt Dana, who was in town from Texas) who attended.

Here is the man of the hour.  Unfortunately, this wasn't his most photogenic day because he got suncreen in one of his eyes and it was kind of red and goopy.  And, in an unfortunate wardrobe choice, he was shirtless the whole time and that isn't his best look for obvious reasons!

And here is the quite tasty cake that our friend Sidney baked.  My mom also made some homemade lemon bars (from her own lemon tree) and those were great, too!

We've made it a tradition to have pinatas at all our kids' first birthday parties.  This year I stuffed it with trail mix, organic gummy fruit treats, and apple sauce "crushers."  The parents seemed relieved, but I must admit it's the first time I've ever seen that many kids neglect to pick up everything that came out.  Oh well...

Unfortunately, we managed not to take photos of any family members, but we did get some shots of friends who turned out.  Here is our friend Shafiq and his dapper son, Zak.

And our friends Allard and Richard, who we first met in our foster-to-adopt class about four years ago.