Turning the Tables: Piercings

A few nights ago Tori called me from Portland to tell me that she had just gotten her nose pierced.  She had been talking about it for a while, so I wasn't too surprised about that.  Then she asked whether Zadie could get her nose pierced, too.  I said of course not.  Tori pointed out that it's totally normally in East Indian culture for little girls to have their noses pierced and I said that's terrific, but she's clearly not East Indian.

I could hear Zadie in the background pushing the issue and I told Tori to tell her that in America, it's not normal for little girls to get their noses pierced.  Zadie then said that she didn't want to be normal and that she wanted to be really unique.

The irony is not lost upon me that I am now trying to force my daughter to be "normal" when few kids fought harder against that definition than I did.  My mom eventually gave up her battles with me (I outlasted her), but I definitely remember the arguments over the dresses and skirts she wanted me to wear and the cutesie hairstyles she attempted.  I also remember her brushing my hair every night before I went to bed and putting those squishy pink curlers in my hair that I had to sleep with.  As a mother, I now look back and think, wow, that was a serious act of love that she spent all that time doing that, but at the time I seriously hated every minute of it.  I credit my mom for letting go of those battles with me at a relatively young age.  For the most part, I think I was free to be poorly dressed with ratty sneakers and a bowl cut from about kindergarten on.  After that point, she was pretty selective in the battles she chose.

So my own personal history can sometimes make me think twice about trying to force Zadie to conform.  In this case, the compromise was that she got to have her ears pierced (see photo below).  She didn't cry one bit and she's really happy with her newly pierced ears.

I don't know how old I was when my mom had my ears pierced, but young enough that I don't remember it. As soon as I began exercising more freedom with my appearance, I promptly took those earrings out and let the holes close (I got them pierced again when I was in my early twenties).  It will be interesting to see how this evolves with Zadie.

One More Memory from Port Angeles

I always say that I love my children the most when we're at the beach.

So when I got to pick the outing for my last day in Port Angeles, I chose a trip to the mouth of the Elwha River and the surrounding "beach."  It's not really a beach from a Southern California perspective, but what it lacked in white sand it made up for in flotsam.  And little kids really enjoy flotsam.  All three had a great time picking through a wide and curious assortment of rocks, sticks, logs, seaweed, and shells.  I think we could have stayed much longer, but I had to get back to catch my bus.


Right before we left, we checked out this welcoming little structure, which Grandma Linda called a surf shack.  Talk about an amazing little fort.  I like to think about the people who built this little shack and how excited they must have been when they found that one huge curved piece of wood that makes the perfect entryway.  


I hope our kids remember these sort of adventures.  I mean, as opposed to many other memories they could have of the time they spend with me when I might be grumpy or frustrated or overwhelmed.  I feel very confident they'll remember Tori as being fun and lovable, but hopefully they'll have some fun memories of me socked away in there somewhere.  And hopefully this will be one of them.

Exploring the Olympic Peninsula

I'm nearing the end of my 10-day vacation in Seattle and (mostly) the Olympic Peninsula town of Port Angeles.  I think this is actually my fourth trip to Port Angeles, where Tori's mom lives, but somehow I don't feel like I've really become very familiar with the area.  I think maybe that's because the weather and also too many teensy children have kind of limited our explorations.

This trip, though, the kids are a little bigger and a little more fun to take on day trips.  We decided to nix our camping plans since the idea of camping with five kids ages four and under just sounded a little too hectic (we also have Tori's twin nieces with us).  Maybe next year!

Instead, we've taken some nice day trips around the area and in Olympic National Park.  Until yesterday, the weather has been great and it's been nice to see the amazing beauty of this part of the world.  I think it's a very appropriate consolation prize for their very unfortunate weather!

Zadie and Skip at Salt Creek Beach tidepools.  Very fun day!

We drove to Hurricane Ridge, about 5400 feet elevation in Olympic National Park and the kids were super excited to play in the snow -- for about 30 seconds before they started complaining about cold hands!  Love this photo of Zadie with Grams.

A few days earlier, I drove to Hurricane Ridge with just Charlie and had a grand ol' time showing him the deer and the mountains.  After we saw one deer, he would say, "Another one! Another one!"

This was during the 30-second interval when the kids were really excited about the snow and before they started complaining about being cold.  Then Grandma Linda treated us all to overpriced hot cocoa.

Charlie in Portland

Tori and the kids hit the road again earlier this week.  Tori piled our three kids and lots luggage, scooters, and an ice chest into our dear Honda Civic to begin her long journey to Seattle.  She was fortunate to have our friend Maya riding shotgun and helping with the kids for the first leg (to San Francisco), but since then she's been doing it all on her own and staying with family and friends along the way.

I thought this seemed like a really bad idea, but last night she told me that it's kind of nice to spend about 4-5 hours per day with the kids strapped into their seats while all she has to do is drive.  That's one way to look at it, I suppose.  She said it's tiring to drive that long and her butt hurts, but at least the kids mostly just sit there or sleep and they actually understand that she can't really meet their needs while she's driving.  The other help is that Skip and Zadie are allowed to use the iPad in 10-minute turns and they only get to use it on long car rides or airplane rides, so they find that very exciting and we have lots of cool games that help pass the time.  For this trip, Tori strapped a bungee cord across the front seat headrests and then hangs the iPad on there so that they can actually watch a movie -- just like those fancy people who have built-in DVD players!

Anyway, the point of this post was to share this sweet photo that Tori sent me yesterday.  They're spending the weekend in Portland with Tori's brother Adam and family.  I love this photo of Charlie.  He can certainly be sour, but mostly he's such a sweet child and I miss him very much!

Big Ol' Catch-up Post

It's so hard to start blogging when you haven't posted for a long time because there seems to be an insurmountable amount of ground to cover.  Though it doesn't do these subjects any justice, in the interest of moving forward and blogging about future topics, I'm going to do bullet points to summarize what has happened since my last blog post:

• Moved to the exurbs.  While the family was in Costa Rica, I decided I didn't want to commute such a long distance and so I found a house in the boonies (near work).  It's quite a change for us to go from a cramped duplex (that I wrote about so fondly here) to what I call our McMansion: four bedrooms and three baths with a yard.  I need to do a whole separate post about that topic!
• Bought an electric car.  Now that we live in non-walkable suburbia, of course we need a second car!  To compensate for our less environmentally friendly life (though living in the burbs does mean a shorter commute for me), we were excited to buy the 100% electric Nissan LEAF.  We've had it for about two months and love it!
• Tori and the kids returned from Costa Rica!  They got back on April 24th and it's really, really great to have them back.  When I first saw them at LAX I cried and Zadie asked me, "Mom, why is your face so sweaty?"  Because Costa Rica was kind of challenging in terms of the lack of sleep and all the kids getting terribly bitten by mosquitoes (and then infected with empatigo), Tori was actually really excited to be in our big, comfortable house, which made me very happy.
• Tori is officially a stay-at-home mom.  Though she actually lost her job with the Peace Corps back in early March, she had her mom helping her in Costa Rica so that didn't really count as being a stay-at-home mom.  Now she's living in the burbs and home all day with three kiddos, so this really hard-core.  Mostly I think it's going well, although it's definitely more challenging than any office job she's ever done.
• The family is hitting the road again.  In about a week, Tori is driving to Washington state with the three kids.  By herself.  I don't know why she thinks this is a good idea (and why she hasn't learned that I'm always right about this stuff, e.g. Costa Rica), but she thinks she's going to have a super fun road trip from L.A. to Washington state.  I'll have to report back on that later!  Anyway, she'll be gone for a month, but I don't really mind them leaving this time because I'm going to spend 10 days in Washington with them in the middle of the month.
• My parents are selling the resort.  I know I've written on this blog many times about how much we love to  come to my parents' house because of the great weather, the pool, and my wonderful parents.  It's been a peaceful and truly blissful escape for us from the chaos (and, up until recently, cramped chaos) of our regular lives.  Sadly for us, the resort is up for sale, so we're having our last hurrah here this holiday weekend and taking it all in.  Their next home has already been purchased and is also going to be great, but of course I can't imagine my parents not living here and this house not being a part of my life and my children's lives.  But, as my mom says, we'll have lots more memories to make in their next home!

Costa Rica: How About That Grandma Linda?

Three cheers to Grandma Linda for accompanying Tori to Costa Rica and filling in as a second parent for nearly two months.  It's hard enough to do this job when they're your own kids and you have to, but to volunteer (sort of) for this duty when you could otherwise be kayaking with friends or traveling kid-free is quite impressive!

No big deal.  Linda can handle four kids by herself (that's cousin Gavin in green).

Taking a much needed break.  I hear Linda isn't such a big fan of the Costa Rican heat.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Tori and the kids have been gone for almost seven weeks now.  This has its advantages and disadvantages.

In the week or two leading up to their departure, I was a total wreck.  I instructed everyone around me (including my boss and co-workers) not to say anything about Costa Rica or my family leaving.  I cried at night when I was trying to fall asleep and I also cried sitting in my office and in the lunchroom.  It was terrible.  

Then when they arrived in Costa Rica and I started Skyping with them, it was even worse.  Trying to hold a conversation with little kids over a bad video connection is hard enough, but I couldn't even talk.  I just cried when I saw their little faces.  And then Zadie would ask Tori why I was crying.  At one point, Grandma Linda said she had to leave the room because it was too painful to watch.  

I'm not even sure why I was crying -- I was just totally beset with weeping for a few weeks.  So that would be the worst of times.

Then it got better and it started to seem normal that I was living in L.A. and my wife and three kids were in another country.  Weird how things just normalize like that.  

And, all along, I knew that I should be using the time away from the kids to enjoy as much adult time as possible.  It was kind of hard to do this with the long hours and long commute, but a few weeks ago I moved into a new house close to work and so now I've had more time to do all the reading and writing I was going to do.  Just kidding!  I've had more time to get hooked on the HBO series "The Wire."  That's what I've been doing instead of blogging and reading books!

The best of times has really been the chance to spend time with family and friends.  I had a really nice adult vacation to San Diego to visit my parents, including a three-hour train ride that went by much too quickly.  I've also been fortunate to spend pretty much every weekend with dear friends that I don't get to spend enough time with otherwise -- with lots of sleepovers!  Here are photos from a very nice day last weekend at CicLAvia, a day when they shut down about 10 miles in downtown Los Angeles for bicycles!

Gourmet brunch at Short Order in The Grove. Just a tad nicer than my breakfast routine when the kids are around.

My bike was unavailable, but Pear let me borrow hers for a spin around 7th Street.

I've been soaking up lots of quality time with Pear, Benny, and Suzan (left to right).