Charlie Runs Into His Teachers' Arms Now!

Since so many of you expressed condolences over how difficult the transition to daycare was, especially on Charlie, I thought an update was in order. Charlie now runs into his teachers' arms!

Big phew. Tori is usually the one to drop the kids off, and she asks him to find his classroom. So he runs through the hallways excitedly finding his classroom and then runs into one of his teachers' arms. With gusto. Let me tell you, that is a much better way to start of your day than our previous reality.

I wouldn't blame these teachers if they were fed up with him and didn't exactly look forward to his arrival, considering all the screaming he did that first week. But I guess that's why they work at a daycare and I don't. Somehow they seemed to genuinely be happy to see him and two of them individually told me touching stories about how much they like him and how they take photos of him to show their elderly mother (who had 10 redheads of her own!) and other family members.

This makes me think of how, not too long ago, the only career choices for a woman were to be a nurse or a teacher. Both are very important careers, but given my queasy stomach and the fact that I'm not very talented with young people (or at lesson-planning), I would have really struggled. And if I had to make my living working at a daycare center, I would be concerned for my family's welfare. So I'm thankful that times have changed and there are so many options for women now!

A Day to Hug Your Kids Tight

This photo is from a few months ago, but I love it because it's so hard to get all three kids smiling so happily and naturally.  It seemed like an appropriate photo for a post about being thankful for each one of them.

It seems like there's news about a terrible shooting about once a month these days, but today's shooting at a school in Connecticut is disturbing on a whole different level given that 20 very young children died.  Obviously that makes you think of your own kids and generally scares the heck out of you (I saw a few friends posting on Facebook about wanting to homeschool their kids).

So this afternoon when I went to pick the kids up from daycare I decided we were going to have an "I love my children" evening with movies, candy, and hot chocolate with little marshmallows.  I told them we were going to have a really special night and that I wanted them to know how much I loved them, but they were kind of missing the context since they don't know anything about the shooting (one of the benefits of not having a television) and I certainly didn't want to share.  They didn't notice me getting choked up when I was trying to talk to them about how much I love them.  Luckily they were much more concerned about what specific candy and treats would be involved.

We came home and they each got to pick a show to watch on the computer -- that's three whole television shows!  Tori made salmon for dinner and then we gave them hot chocolate with teensy marshmallows.

Unfortunately, I had a hard time staying focused on happy, loving thoughts because each one of them was being kind of a pain in the neck (sometimes spoiling your kids for one night actually leads to really annoying behavior, as it turns out).

Regardless, today is definitely a day to hug your kids tighter than normal, spoil them a little bit more, and just generally give thanks that they're safe and healthy.  I'm so, so sorry for the families that don't get to do that tonight.

I'm a Junkie

The beautiful lobby of the L.A. Times building.  Courtesy of Ilpo's Sojourn, Wikimedia Commons.

Tori thinks I have a problem.  I think it's under control.  I'm talking about my compulsion to read every inch of the Los Angeles Times everyday.  I'm not one of those people who goes on vacation and signs up for the newspapers to be donated to a local school.  I like for them to be held for me so that when I get home I can make sure that I haven't missed anything.  I don't actually read every inch, but I do read almost every article and I have to scan every headline and first paragraph to make sure I'm not missing something important.

Naturally, I feel attached to the writers.  Or at least I think that's only natural.  I have a funny habit of reading the headline and testing myself to see whether I guess the reporter.  I can't always get it right because of course these days writers don't always stick to a certain beat, but I'm pretty familiar with most of the names.

Today was very special because I was given a tour by a reporter who I've worked with on a few stories (part of my job is media relations).  She was kind enough to spend two hours showing me around the building and introducing me to people whose bylines I've been reading for several years now.  At one point she said hi to a guy we passed in the hallway named Ralph and I asked her if that was Ralph so-and-so.  She thought that was so funny that I knew who he was and so whenever she introduced me to people she'd say, "She's a total Times junkie -- she even recognized Ralph so-and-so!"  And then the other person would usually make a joke about how there's probably only a total of three Times junkies out there.

Everyone seemed bemused that people were actually reading and appreciating their work since I think they've been operating under such a difficult situation with so much criticism about a degraded product (which is only natural given the changes in the industry).  They seemed surprised they even had any fans left, which made me want to start a Times appreciation society. Then again, I'm definitely the only 35-year-old I know who gets it delivered to her doorstep every morning.

Anyway, it was a really wonderful day and the only thing that would have been better is if I would have actually taken a photo on my big day.  I even got to crash their holiday potluck party, which was great!

Tori's New Job, and What That Means for the Kiddos

After nine months of staying home with the kids, Tori started her new position with the National Park Service this week.  I'm really excited for her because I know that she'll enjoy her work -- her main focus will be to attract diverse and nontraditional audiences to engage with the park.  This is actually the third time (in a row) that we've worked for the same organization, so I suppose it was just a matter of time before it happened.  There are many things I really love about working with Tori, although this time around we're in a much larger office and won't work together too closely.

Although I think her decision to accept this position was the right one for our family, it's been really hard these first few days.  This is the first time we've ever put our kids in full-time daycare and Charlie has been really unhappy about it.  He's not one to keep his feelings bottled up inside, and the screams of despair have been really hard to take.  I know it will get better, but for now it just keeps getting worse because he's building up anxiety earlier and earlier in the morning.  

Sometimes I think mothers over-dramatize how torn apart they are when leaving their kids behind to go to work.  I personally have never really experienced that in the past.  It was more like, "Catch you later."  But this situation with Charlie has been really emotionally exhausting and I feel like it's clawing at my heart in a way I've never experienced before.  I think it's partly because Charlie is a way less go-with-the-flow than Skip or Zadie (and this is his first time in daycare), partly because it gets dark so early right now, and mostly because we always had the good fortune of having Uncle Hank.  Leaving your kids at a little institution is just a much harder experience (though Skip and Zadie did go to a local daycare a few days a week).  There's something about doing it five days a week that seems really hard.

Then again, I know plenty of people whose kids have been in similar situations since they were three months old and it's not like I look at those kids with pity.  I've never been one of those people who think it's a travesty to have kids in daycare all day.

But this Charlie thing is killing me!  

Parenting from Behind the Newspaper

Tori went to a bunch of garage sales with a friend this morning.  She's been gone about three hours so far and I'm happy to report that I've spent most of the morning parenting from behind a newspaper.  Without incident, no less.  

This is what I always thought it would be like to be a parent.  I could do my own thing while occasionally glancing over at my children busily playing amongst themselves.  Needless to say, it hasn't been my reality thus far.  I was very misinformed about what parenting was all about.  I often wonder why people close to me didn't do a better job disabusing me about all my stupid ideas about parenting and what a piece of cake it would be.  But then I remember that I refused to listen to anyone and was determined that they were exaggerating and not understanding how very basic parenting can be in other parts of the world.  Alas, I don't live in a small village in a foreign land where children run far and wide, unsupervised, and playing with sticks and stones.  Or in 1950s East Texas, where my dad and his siblings experienced basically the same thing.

So that's why this morning has been so revelatory.  Our previous weekends as parents have been jam-packed with activities designed to keep us from going completely bonkers in a household of three wild children.  Does this mean that I can reclaim Saturday morning and read the newspaper while the kids happily entertain themselves without serious injury?  Maybe I could actually start a novel.  Was it just a matter of time, and age, until my vision of parenting really kicked in?  Now convincing Tori to stay home is another matter entirely...

Stay tuned.

Colorado Road Trip: The Wonders of Older Cousins!

Zadie and Skip building a fort with their cousins Lauren (left) and Callie (right).  Tori and I got to cozy up inside the house while the cousins took them on outdoor adventures!

The very best part of our trip to Colorado was seeing how well the kids played with their Colorado cousins. Yes, it warms the heart to see your children playing so joyfully with kinfolk.  Even better, it meant that we could just relax all day long while the kids were thoroughly entertained by their older cousins -- we even got to go out to brunch one time while they babysat!

My uncle John is hands-down my very favorite uncle.  That's easy to say since my mom is one of four girls and my dad only has one brother.  But even if I had a slew of uncles, it's hard to imagine liking an uncle more than I like my uncle John.  He's kind of like my dad, except totally different.

He and his wife Connie have four kids ages 8 through 12, which was good for me to think about when I used to feel sorry for myself (self-inflicted, I know!).  They definitely had it even worse than we did.  Then again, they have three perfect little girls and one decently-behaved boy, so I think we've got the edge in that department.  Little boys are about twice as much work as little girls and I think Charlie was the work of three normal little babies!

Anyway, John and Connie's kids are really sweet and down-to-earth.  Zadie adored Lauren and followed her around like a little puppy.  She also slept next to her every single night and pretty much didn't give anyone else the time of day.  Skip split his time pretty equally with the three girls and also wrestled and played roughly with little John.  As for Charlie, naturally it took the special gifts of Callie to entertain him for hours on end.  It was total heaven to see our kids so completely entertained and occupied with their cousins!

Zadie had such a great time that she ended up extending her time with them.  Because their family was also heading to San Diego for Thanksgiving, Zadie rode with Connie and two of the kids to go to San Diego and then stayed with them in San Diego for five whole days until we arrived to claim her.  That Zadie is very independent and never once got sad or lonely for her moms.  And certainly not her brothers.  She loved all her time with her older cousins and all the special attention she got from John and Connie!

Colorado Road Trip: Snow!

I arrived in Denver the same day as Tori and the kids, although I took the easy way out and traveled by plane (flying without children is so fun!).  We got in on a Friday night and it snowed most of Saturday, which was pretty exciting for our kids, and Zadie most of all.  They've definitely seen snow before, but I don't think they've actually seen it in verb form.  Zadie kept running around screaming like it was the most exciting thing in the world, while her Denver cousins just kind of chuckled at her like she was crazy (more on that later).

Anyway, Zadie was super excited about the miniature snowman she made (see below).  Other snow activities included sledding, building a fort, and throwing snowballs.

She was pretty proud of this creation.  Don't ask me where she found those perfect little glasses!

This was after most of the snow had already melted, but how cool is it that you can see all these elk bugling right outside the guest room window at my uncle's house?!  We city folk were quite impressed.

Colorado Road Trip: A Few Nights in Moab

Skip scrambling at Arches National Park!

Uncle Mike let Skip drive this very old-school tractor all around their property and he was in heaven.

I like the colors in this photo.

Tori's destination was my uncle's house outside of Denver, but she stopped the first night in Las Vegas and stayed over at a friend of her sister.  Tori doesn't flinch at staying with people she doesn't know very well, that's for sure.

The second and third nights she stayed with Uncle Mike and Aunt Mary, who live in Moab, Utah.  Uncle Mike is Tori's mother's brother, and so naturally he's a great guy who is very outdoorsy and fun.  Although I wasn't there, Tori said that Uncle Mike was great about engaging the boys in the outdoors and on the tractor.  And apparently Zadie gardened with Aunt Mary for four whole hours and said she wanted to garden at our house when they got back because it was the most fun thing in the world.

I went through Moab once on a road trip in college, but I would love to go back and stay with Mike and Mary.  They used to actually run a bed and breakfast in Moab, so they know just how to treat their guests.  Tori said they had grilled salmon and healthy veggies and of course Tori loves it when other people cook for her (since I do not).

Tori and the kids got in two very nice visits in Moab, once on the way to Denver and once on the way back.  Thanks to Mike and Mary for hosting our family!

Colorado Road Trip: The Car My Grandma Gave Us

On long road trips, Tori keeps a cooler stocked with food in the front seat and then straps a little screen across the seat backs for the special treat of a movie!

I want to do a series of posts about a road trip Tori recently took our kids on.  Since she will be starting a new job and quitting her current occupation of being a stay-at-home mom, she wanted to hit the road for one last hurrah before she gets hemmed in by a lack of vacation time and too many work commitments.

The subject of this particular post is our family workhorse, the Honda Civic. We love this car so much.  It used to be my grandma's car and she loved driving around the streets of Jacksonville, Texas and checking in on things around town.  This habit of passing the time through driving intensified as she got older and a little lonely, but even when I was a kid some of my clearest memories are of driving around with her looking at certain houses while she told us stories about the people who lived there, or who used to live there.  It's a small town and she had lived there for quite some time, so she had some pretty good stories to tell.  

Since she worked as an assistant in an accountant's office, she also had special access to people's financial situations and I especially remember her pointing out the modest homes and old cars of people who she knew to be extremely wealthy ("oil money," she would say), but who never cared to show it.  Those were my favorite stories, I think partly because I felt like she and I were in on some big secret that nobody else knew about (and to some extent we were since all the information she shared with me was highly confidential!).  

Although my grandma wasn't driving me in the Honda when I was a kid (it's a 2000), I feel connected to those memories through this car.  And I still logged many miles driving around Jacksonville with her in the Honda, which she loved dearly.  In small town East Texas, it's big American cars that rule the road, so her Honda Civic really stood out (my uncle had taken her all the way to Dallas to buy it).  Grandma was always talking about her "little car" and how she liked being able to zip in and out of places -- she couldn't imagine why people liked to drive those big wasteful cars.  She was very proud of it and talked about it constantly.

When her children insisted she stop driving, my aunts and uncles were kind enough to gently nudge my grandma to give the car to me, partly as a thank-you for having spent a year living in Jacksonville with her.  It was a very special gift, not only in the sense that it's a whole car (!), but also because I know how much my grandma loved it and how hard it was for her to give it up.  I think we've done a pretty good job of getting the most out of it and cherishing it as much as she did.

Though she's now suffering from severe dementia, for the longest time talking with her about the Honda was the easiest way to connect with her -- she would always have a twinkle in her eye when she talked about that car.  And although she was of course upset that she wasn't able to drive anymore, she seemed genuinely happy that my family was now getting so much use out of it.

In some ways, I think our little Honda Civic has a lot in common with my grandma, which I guess is kind of a funny thing to say about a Japanese sedan built in 2000, given that my grandma is an 86-year-old woman who grew up on a dairy farm in East Texas riding horses and milking cows.  But both are about the most hard-working, no-frills, reliable, and "best of class" models that ever existed.

For about a year after we first got the car, I could still smell my grandma's make-up and face cream every time I got in.  With time and children, of course, that smell has gone away.  But I can still see some of her make-up smudges on the steering wheel and on the door, and whenever they catch my eye I always smile at the memory of my grandma driving this very same car.  Grandma would probably be horrified at how dirty the car gets, but I think she'd really love to see our three kids squeezed in there like sardines and if she were driving around with me she'd probably point at the other cars and say that people didn't need those big old cars just for hauling around a couple of kids!

Grandma Linda on the Trampoline

I don't know if there are a lot of grandmas out there genuinely excited about trampolines.  But Grandma Linda isn't your regular grandma!

Linda came for a visit during the week of Halloween (she was the driving force behind us going to see The Book of Mormon).  Especially now that she's very busy helping raise Zach's kids, it's an even more special treat when we get to see her and have her all to ourselves.  We got in a few fun outdoor activities in the park where I work, including a beautiful bike ride and picnic, as well as a night hike looking for owls.  We forgot to bring flashlights and we didn't see any owls, but it was still cool.  While I was at work she and Tori also managed a few amazing beach days, which is great considering the time of year.

The Day People Voted for Gay Marriage

I've written here and there about gay marriage cases in the news over the past few years, with the most impactful being first the ability for us to marry in June of 2008 and, subsequently, the amendment to the state constitution that banned same-sex marriage.  Obviously this is a deeply personal issue for us and I am hopeful that the Defense of Marriage Act will be repealed in Obama's (recently granted) second term.  The process of following all the various court cases and ballot initiatives often feels like an emotional roller coaster.

So I'm quite happy that, after a string of THIRTY-TWO straight losses at the ballot box, voters have finally ruled in favor of gay marriage.  Not in one state, but in three and a half (the Minnesota initiative was a gay marriage ban that voters rejected, so it wasn't quite the same as approving gay marriage).

This story has been somewhat lost in the discussion of the presidential election, which is certainly important and, I hope, will also play a role in progress on this issue (side-note: Tuesday was also the first time we elected a president who supported same-sex marriage!).

It's hard to say for sure whether this will be the tipping point -- of course opponents of same-sex marriage say it only passed in very "blue" states -- but I don't think you can overstate the significance of losing 32 times and then finally winning.  And although I think the very idea of asking people to submit their vote on whether a person can marry the person he or she loves is totally ludicrous, I think the movement needs the popular vote (not just the court cases) to be successful in the long-term.  I hope there is a definitive ruling from the Supreme Court that affirms the right to marry as a basic civil right, but I'm worried that if it happens too soon -- before the mainstream vote is behind it -- it could become like the abortion issue and continue to be extremely contentious.

These results make me feel very hopeful about the future.  So much has changed in such a short period of time.

Ditching Your Kids on Halloween

Halloween has always been Tori's favorite holiday, so I was surprised when she suggested we go see "The Book of Mormon" on Halloween this year.  A friend of ours got discount group tickets and that was the only night available.  I felt some parental guilt about ditching our kids on such an important kid holiday, but the savings were too great to pass up.

Our friend Sidney was kind enough to babysit and we took the kids trick-or-treating on our cul-de-sac before we headed out.  Then Sidney took them for a more extended trick-or-treat experience with our dear friend Erin's family, so they had a pretty wild and crazy night and apparently didn't go to bed until 9:45pm, which has got to be a record.

As for us, we had a great time at the "The Book of Mormon" and it was particularly fun to watch with ex-Mormons like Tori, her mom, and her sister.  They pretty much had tears running down their cheeks throughout the whole thing.  I'm more of an "I'm laughing really hard on the inside" kind of person, but I also thought it was pretty hilarious, though maybe just a tad too vulgar in some parts.  Let's just say I wouldn't recommend it to my parents.

Without further ado, here are some Halloween photos of the kids!

Charlie was a stubborn-ass cowboy/farmer who refused to wear his hat except for this photo op (which required bribery), Zadie was Pippi for two years running, and Skip was the tin man from Wizard of Oz.

We went to a work party a few days before Halloween and the kids wanted to be cowboys and cowgirls.  These are some great vintage suede outfits that my mom bought them.  Zadie and Skip can really pull off the cowboy/cowgirl look, but Charlie looks more like a chubby farmer.  Charlie, if you ever try to say that the third child doesn't get photos taken, please note that it was only because of your stubbornness not to appear in said photos!

Special Visit from Hal and Denise

We had some very special guests this weekend.  My parents have been very busy over the past several months, selling two houses and moving into a new home and a new community.  So this was actually the first time we've hosted them in our new home since we moved here (though I should say that they came up and helped me move before Tori and the kids returned from Costa Rica!).  

They arrived Friday afternoon and took us to a nearby alehouse that we like.  It was the first time in a long time that we've gone out to eat with the kids, and I think they did pretty well.  Then Saturday morning they wanted to see Zadie's soccer game -- she hustled and scored a few goals, so she was quite proud of herself.    And then I took them by our park's new visitor center and we ate fresh strawberries and blackberries underneath some big oak trees.

Here's to many more visits up this way!

Family Beach Photo

With the exception of Charlie, I think this photo turned out quite nicely.  Just look at how cute Zadie and Skip are.  Charlie is also exceptionally cute, but that's not obvious in this picture.  We've been fortunate to have lots of great days at the beach this summer and fall, despite moving much further away!

Charlie Turned Two a While Back

I'm a bit late in sharing that Charlie turned two about a month ago.  There is so much to say about this child.  He is by far our most stubborn and feisty child, but he's also our most sweet and affectionate child.  He can be so charming and adorable that it makes you overlook some of his faults.  I know that Skip and Zadie feel the same way about him -- sometimes he drives them crazy wrecking their projects and biting Skip when he gets mad at him, but they always forgive him. Charlie is definitely a two-year-old with a very big personality!

We had a joint beach birthday party this year with Charlie's cousin Gavin.  Joint parties are great because you get another family to help you lug a bunch of stuff to the beach and clean up!  Also, Charlie and Gavin have a special bond, so it was nice for them to celebrate their birthdays together.  Thanks to Gavin's mom Katie for all the photos!

Gavin and Charlie with their birthday cake.

Charlie and Skip with their biological half-sister Hannah (same birth mom).  We're so happy Hannah is in our life.  Note the crazy resemblance between Hannah and Skip!

Portrait of our young man at the beach.  He's starting to thin out, but he's still got some great cheeks!

Meeting Zadie's Sperm Donor (and How We Built Our Family)

Can you see the resemblance?  Sammie also brought his dad along and we had a nice picnic with wine and cheese.

I'm not sure if this blog has ever spelled out how we all came to be a family, which is a common question we get since we obviously didn't do it the old-fashioned way.  Our original thought was that Tori and I would each have a biological child (since we wanted to have the experience of being pregnant and giving birth) and we would also adopt two kids from the foster care system.

I used a sperm donor to get pregnant with Zadie (more on that in a moment), and then Tori had trouble getting pregnant, so we skipped that step and proceeded directly to adopting from the foster care system.  We've had Skip since he was four days old and his adoption went through when he was nine months old.  We were planning to wait a few years and then adopt an older sibling set, but then we got a call that Skip's birth mom had another baby and so that's how we ended up with three kids under three years of age!

When we were choosing a sperm donor, we knew we wanted an "open" donor, which is a donor that agrees to be contacted when the child turns 18 (obviously only if the child is interested).  We always wanted this option for Zadie and figured it would be an interesting process many years down the road.  As it turns out, we got connected to other offspring of our donor via the sperm bank's sibling registry and that has evolved into a blog that then attracted the attention of the donor himself.  He has since started blogging about being a sperm donor and expressed interest in meeting one of the children so we set up a meeting with him at a local park.

I know that all of this is kind of new and different (the whole concept of using a sperm donor, much less meeting him at your local park!), but actually it was a very positive experience and I'm very happy not only with the product of all of this (Zadie!), but also the person we chose and his approach to this.

Meeting your sperm donor can be a little tricky on both sides.  I want him to be friendly and interested, but not too friendly and interested.  He's not her dad and I don't want him envisioning that kind of role in her life. At the same time, I appreciated his interest to know her, spend time with her, and really learn about her.  We're so happy that we chose a kind, caring, and very likeable person to be Zadie's sperm donor.  As time goes on, it will be up to Zadie whether this is a relationship that is important to her, but we are happy to know that the relationship is available to her if she's interested.  Honestly, the meeting couldn't have gone any better.

As you can see from the photo, Zadie and Sammie have the exact same eyes.  Sammie commented to his dad that she had the family's "cinnamon" eyes, which we've never been sure how to describe.

The Fun Mom at Her Favorite Park on Earth!

The Greatest City on Earth

Tori and I first met in San Francisco and ever since I talked her into moving away from there (for a small town in East Texas, no less!), she's been trying to talk me into moving back to what she calls "the greatest city on earth."  Although I love San Francisco, it's almost hard to visit because Tori gets so obsessed with planning our future life there (especially if we happen to visit during beautiful weather).  Still, she talked me into spending our four-day Labor Day weekend there.

I wasn't positive how it was going to go since we've never really experienced the greatest city on earth with three kids in tow, but Tori had a secret weapon.  She convinced my nephew Nick, who goes to school at San Francisco State, to spend every single minute of the long weekend with us.  Nick is not only a great person to spend time with, but also happens to be the best helper in the world.  It was like we had a full-time assistant with us.  Thank you, Nick!!

Highlights of the trip were sunny days at Mission Dolores Park (Tori's all-time favorite spot in the city), a date night at the sushi restaurant where we had our very first date nine years ago, and catching up with old friends.

Family photo at the drum circle in Golden Gate Park, which used to be my old stomping grounds.

Handmade ice cream in the Mission.

Nick and Tori are always so cute together.  I'm a little jealous because she's a much more fun auntie than I am!

Obligatory ride on the cable car -- the conductor let Zadie ring the bell!

Tori wanted to be sure and show the kids all the cool murals in the Mission.

6 Days with the Grandparents!

Trying out the tree in the front yard of my parents' new house.  Skip and Zadie are on the left and their cousins Izzy and Sophie are on the right.

As soon as Tori found out I was traveling to Washington, D.C. for a work trip, she started scheming about how she could join me.  My parents agreed to watch Skip and Zadie from Wednesday through Sunday, so we were very excited about that.  Tori was originally planning on taking Charlie with her and touring him around, but then she decided to ask her sister if she would watch Charlie during that time (she has a boy who gets along well with Charlie).  So it ended up that Tori got her big trip to D.C. and she got it kid-free!

We both had a great time.  Although I was working during the day, it was nice to stay in a hotel room (which we never do on our own dime) and to get out on dates at night.  And one of Tori's best friends lives in D.C. so we stayed with her family over the weekend and had a great dinner party with other Peace Corps friends.

Obviously while you're away from your kids you wonder how they're doing, so I was really happy to hear that Skip and Zadie were really well-behaved for my parents and were getting along well their cousins.  Big relief.  They were staying at my parents' new house in Solana Beach and were wearing themselves out at the beach everyday.  Skip has always been an early riser -- he wakes up between 6:00 and 6:30 a.m. every single day -- but he was so worn out from his daily activities (and not taking a nap) that he woke up between 9:00 and 11:00 a.m. each morning.  My parents had to check on him to make sure he was still breathing!

I was most nervous about how Charlie would do since he's not exactly a roll-with-the-punches kind of baby.  Apparently he woke up crying in the middle of the first night, but after that was totally fine and got along great with his cousin Gavin.  

So, many thanks to my parents and my sister-in-law Katie for watching our kids and making this very special trip happen.  It was fun to see the kids after their time away and see them so excited to tell us all about what they had been doing (well, Charlie didn't have a lot to say but he clearly enjoyed himself!).  

Annual 4th of July Trip

For the fourth year in a row, we celebrated the 4th of July at Tori's dad's house in the Central Valley.  Whenever I say that people, they make a funny face like, "Why would you want to go to the Central Valley for the Fourth of July?"  Yes, it's very hot, but it's actually quite pleasant when you spend all your time under huge oak trees or floating down the river.  Her dad has a great piece of land and a beautiful home and it's actually a wonderful place for the kids to run around.  And Tori loves the fact that her step-mom cooks every single meal the whole time we're there (that's not as big of a deal to me since that's my daily reality).


Here are some photos from the weekend...this year was significant in that we had 11 kids ages four and under!

Grandpa Mike makes an incredible slip-and-slide into the river and lubricates it with environmentally-friendly soap.  I think Tori's brother Zach gets the speed record (and he did a flip at the end).

Tori's step-sister is in beauty school and gave the girls matching hairdos.

We can fit a lot of people in the Polaris (I'm the dark spot in the far left corner).

Here is the whole gang, though sadly this year we missed Adam's family and we definitely missed Opal.

New Addition to the Family

Don't worry, we're not adopting another child!  The newest addition to the family is something that Tori has been wanting for a very long time: a trampoline!

Tori always says that she can't imagine her childhood without a trampoline.  I can't prove this statistically, but apparently trampolines are disproportionately popular in Mormon families.  Tori says the trampoline was the babysitter in her family and, clearly, she has the same hopes for our trampoline.

It turns out one of the perks of moving to the exurbs (that means we're even beyond the burbs), is that you finally have space in your yard for a trampoline.  Skip and Zadie do actually know how to do flips, but our trampoline isn't stretched out enough yet to get a big enough bounce, so maybe that will be a future video.


Trampoline from Kate K. on Vimeo.

A Better Way to Describe Skip

My previous attempt to describe Skip at age three felt very inadequate, so maybe these photos will do a better job.  I think they capture his personality pretty well.

Skip Turns Three in the Polaris

King of the Polaris (for the day at least)!

Sharing his birthday cake with his dear Uncle Hank.

Skip's birthday is July 3rd and his Uncle Hank's birthday is July 5th, so we now celebrate their birthdays together at our annual 4th of July trip to Tori's Dad's house in the Central Valley.  It's funny to think that three years ago, right after our big weekend of fun at his house, we came home and got the very exciting phone call to pick Skip up from the hospital.

This year, Skip said he wanted to have his birthday party in Grandpa Mike's Polaris (which he thinks is extremely cool), and so I took him away for a few minutes while Tori decorated it.  My parents gave him a great cowboy outfit (boots, hat, and Wranglers), Grandma Linda gave him a new scooter, and we gave him a boogie board and his first piggy bank so that he can start earning money for his chores like his big sister.  He also got some little motorcycles from Uncle Leo and Aunt Katie.  I think he was pretty happy with his presents, but much more focused on his cake, that's for sure.

Skip has definitely matured over the past year, mostly in terms of being a much kinder and gentler big brother to Charlie.  Although he still occasionally tortures him, he mostly is very protective of him and enjoys playing with both of his siblings.  People often say "Well, he's all boy, isn't he?"  I'm not big on cliches when it comes to parenting, but in this case it's pretty dead-on.  He has tons of energy and he loves to "run wide open and sideways," as my dad would say.  He's also exceptionally athletic and coordinated.  And he has beautifully sweet and loving eyes.

We love you, Skip!

Ozboblie

Naming a child is an honor, but kind of a stressful honor.  I think most people want something that is special and maybe a little bit unique, but not something that they'll be tortured about at school.  We feel like we hit the sweet spot with Zadie.  With Skip, we sometimes worry that he might catch some hell for his funny name (though mostly I think he can pull it off).  And with Charlie, we worry that we over-corrected a bit much and there will be three other Charlies in his class and on his soccer team.

I think naming your child is much harder when it's a foster child and you only have literally five to ten minutes notice that this human being will be entering your life.  Somehow with both Skip and Charlie, we really felt like we were in a pressure cooker to come up with a name and we spent lots of time agonizing over it -- all during the same period when we were extremely sleep-deprived because we were unexpectedly taking care of a newborn.  The longer it dragged on, the more entrenched each of us got with our favorite names.

Charlie was always on our list of favorite names, but after we actually brought home the boy now known as Charlie (he was named Ryan Michael by his birth parents), Tori became so dead set on naming him Ozzie that I feel she really started to hate any other name.  My version of this story is that I finally acquiesced to letting her call him Ozzie as long as she understood that it was temporary until we came to a final decision (since she said we needed to call him something).  Her version is that I reneged on the name.

Anyway, I ultimately backed out of Ozzie and Tori has never really forgiven me for that one.  Lately she's really taken to calling him Ozzie and he now answers to both Charlie and Ozzie.  Skip and Zadie have also lately started to call him Ozzie.

And now, in addition to Charlie and Ozzie (and the fact that he'll always be Ryan to his birth parents), this child can add a new name to the list: Bobby!  It started a few weeks ago when I went on a little drive alone with Charlie and I tried to actually strike up conversation.  Among the many questions I asked him was what his name was.  He didn't say anything, so I said, "Is your name John?" And he kept saying no to a few names until I got to Bobby, and then he said yes.  And when I would ask what his name was, he kept saying it was Bobby, but in this funny baby way that sounded like Bubby.  Now the other kids think it's really funny to ask him what his name is and listen to him say "Bubby" in his ridiculous little voice.  And they all get the giggles really bad.

So there it is.  It's so hard to come up with just the right name for your child that this poor little boy has three or four!  Maybe we can call him Ozboblie for short -- bet there won't be any other kids on his soccer team with that one!

On the Farm in Oregon: The Long Way Home

I mentioned earlier that Tori decided to drive the kids all the way to Washington state, and now she is making her way back home.  She doesn't drive in very long stretches, usually about four hours each day.  She spent a few days with her brother in Portland (the scene of the piercings), and also a few days with our friends Amy and Jenelle at their family's small farm near Ashland.  I'm told the kids loved driving this little tractor around, getting eggs from the henhouse, and running around with Amy and Jenelle's two kids.

Thanks to Amy, Jenelle, and Ronnie for hosting my family for a few days!

They're now staying with friends in Modesto and tomorrow I'll meet up with them out in the Central Valley, where we always spend the Fourth of July.

Turning the Tables: Piercings

A few nights ago Tori called me from Portland to tell me that she had just gotten her nose pierced.  She had been talking about it for a while, so I wasn't too surprised about that.  Then she asked whether Zadie could get her nose pierced, too.  I said of course not.  Tori pointed out that it's totally normally in East Indian culture for little girls to have their noses pierced and I said that's terrific, but she's clearly not East Indian.

I could hear Zadie in the background pushing the issue and I told Tori to tell her that in America, it's not normal for little girls to get their noses pierced.  Zadie then said that she didn't want to be normal and that she wanted to be really unique.

The irony is not lost upon me that I am now trying to force my daughter to be "normal" when few kids fought harder against that definition than I did.  My mom eventually gave up her battles with me (I outlasted her), but I definitely remember the arguments over the dresses and skirts she wanted me to wear and the cutesie hairstyles she attempted.  I also remember her brushing my hair every night before I went to bed and putting those squishy pink curlers in my hair that I had to sleep with.  As a mother, I now look back and think, wow, that was a serious act of love that she spent all that time doing that, but at the time I seriously hated every minute of it.  I credit my mom for letting go of those battles with me at a relatively young age.  For the most part, I think I was free to be poorly dressed with ratty sneakers and a bowl cut from about kindergarten on.  After that point, she was pretty selective in the battles she chose.

So my own personal history can sometimes make me think twice about trying to force Zadie to conform.  In this case, the compromise was that she got to have her ears pierced (see photo below).  She didn't cry one bit and she's really happy with her newly pierced ears.

I don't know how old I was when my mom had my ears pierced, but young enough that I don't remember it. As soon as I began exercising more freedom with my appearance, I promptly took those earrings out and let the holes close (I got them pierced again when I was in my early twenties).  It will be interesting to see how this evolves with Zadie.

One More Memory from Port Angeles

I always say that I love my children the most when we're at the beach.

So when I got to pick the outing for my last day in Port Angeles, I chose a trip to the mouth of the Elwha River and the surrounding "beach."  It's not really a beach from a Southern California perspective, but what it lacked in white sand it made up for in flotsam.  And little kids really enjoy flotsam.  All three had a great time picking through a wide and curious assortment of rocks, sticks, logs, seaweed, and shells.  I think we could have stayed much longer, but I had to get back to catch my bus.


Right before we left, we checked out this welcoming little structure, which Grandma Linda called a surf shack.  Talk about an amazing little fort.  I like to think about the people who built this little shack and how excited they must have been when they found that one huge curved piece of wood that makes the perfect entryway.  


I hope our kids remember these sort of adventures.  I mean, as opposed to many other memories they could have of the time they spend with me when I might be grumpy or frustrated or overwhelmed.  I feel very confident they'll remember Tori as being fun and lovable, but hopefully they'll have some fun memories of me socked away in there somewhere.  And hopefully this will be one of them.

Exploring the Olympic Peninsula

I'm nearing the end of my 10-day vacation in Seattle and (mostly) the Olympic Peninsula town of Port Angeles.  I think this is actually my fourth trip to Port Angeles, where Tori's mom lives, but somehow I don't feel like I've really become very familiar with the area.  I think maybe that's because the weather and also too many teensy children have kind of limited our explorations.

This trip, though, the kids are a little bigger and a little more fun to take on day trips.  We decided to nix our camping plans since the idea of camping with five kids ages four and under just sounded a little too hectic (we also have Tori's twin nieces with us).  Maybe next year!

Instead, we've taken some nice day trips around the area and in Olympic National Park.  Until yesterday, the weather has been great and it's been nice to see the amazing beauty of this part of the world.  I think it's a very appropriate consolation prize for their very unfortunate weather!

Zadie and Skip at Salt Creek Beach tidepools.  Very fun day!

We drove to Hurricane Ridge, about 5400 feet elevation in Olympic National Park and the kids were super excited to play in the snow -- for about 30 seconds before they started complaining about cold hands!  Love this photo of Zadie with Grams.

A few days earlier, I drove to Hurricane Ridge with just Charlie and had a grand ol' time showing him the deer and the mountains.  After we saw one deer, he would say, "Another one! Another one!"

This was during the 30-second interval when the kids were really excited about the snow and before they started complaining about being cold.  Then Grandma Linda treated us all to overpriced hot cocoa.

Charlie in Portland

Tori and the kids hit the road again earlier this week.  Tori piled our three kids and lots luggage, scooters, and an ice chest into our dear Honda Civic to begin her long journey to Seattle.  She was fortunate to have our friend Maya riding shotgun and helping with the kids for the first leg (to San Francisco), but since then she's been doing it all on her own and staying with family and friends along the way.

I thought this seemed like a really bad idea, but last night she told me that it's kind of nice to spend about 4-5 hours per day with the kids strapped into their seats while all she has to do is drive.  That's one way to look at it, I suppose.  She said it's tiring to drive that long and her butt hurts, but at least the kids mostly just sit there or sleep and they actually understand that she can't really meet their needs while she's driving.  The other help is that Skip and Zadie are allowed to use the iPad in 10-minute turns and they only get to use it on long car rides or airplane rides, so they find that very exciting and we have lots of cool games that help pass the time.  For this trip, Tori strapped a bungee cord across the front seat headrests and then hangs the iPad on there so that they can actually watch a movie -- just like those fancy people who have built-in DVD players!

Anyway, the point of this post was to share this sweet photo that Tori sent me yesterday.  They're spending the weekend in Portland with Tori's brother Adam and family.  I love this photo of Charlie.  He can certainly be sour, but mostly he's such a sweet child and I miss him very much!

Big Ol' Catch-up Post

It's so hard to start blogging when you haven't posted for a long time because there seems to be an insurmountable amount of ground to cover.  Though it doesn't do these subjects any justice, in the interest of moving forward and blogging about future topics, I'm going to do bullet points to summarize what has happened since my last blog post:

• Moved to the exurbs.  While the family was in Costa Rica, I decided I didn't want to commute such a long distance and so I found a house in the boonies (near work).  It's quite a change for us to go from a cramped duplex (that I wrote about so fondly here) to what I call our McMansion: four bedrooms and three baths with a yard.  I need to do a whole separate post about that topic!
• Bought an electric car.  Now that we live in non-walkable suburbia, of course we need a second car!  To compensate for our less environmentally friendly life (though living in the burbs does mean a shorter commute for me), we were excited to buy the 100% electric Nissan LEAF.  We've had it for about two months and love it!
• Tori and the kids returned from Costa Rica!  They got back on April 24th and it's really, really great to have them back.  When I first saw them at LAX I cried and Zadie asked me, "Mom, why is your face so sweaty?"  Because Costa Rica was kind of challenging in terms of the lack of sleep and all the kids getting terribly bitten by mosquitoes (and then infected with empatigo), Tori was actually really excited to be in our big, comfortable house, which made me very happy.
• Tori is officially a stay-at-home mom.  Though she actually lost her job with the Peace Corps back in early March, she had her mom helping her in Costa Rica so that didn't really count as being a stay-at-home mom.  Now she's living in the burbs and home all day with three kiddos, so this really hard-core.  Mostly I think it's going well, although it's definitely more challenging than any office job she's ever done.
• The family is hitting the road again.  In about a week, Tori is driving to Washington state with the three kids.  By herself.  I don't know why she thinks this is a good idea (and why she hasn't learned that I'm always right about this stuff, e.g. Costa Rica), but she thinks she's going to have a super fun road trip from L.A. to Washington state.  I'll have to report back on that later!  Anyway, she'll be gone for a month, but I don't really mind them leaving this time because I'm going to spend 10 days in Washington with them in the middle of the month.
• My parents are selling the resort.  I know I've written on this blog many times about how much we love to  come to my parents' house because of the great weather, the pool, and my wonderful parents.  It's been a peaceful and truly blissful escape for us from the chaos (and, up until recently, cramped chaos) of our regular lives.  Sadly for us, the resort is up for sale, so we're having our last hurrah here this holiday weekend and taking it all in.  Their next home has already been purchased and is also going to be great, but of course I can't imagine my parents not living here and this house not being a part of my life and my children's lives.  But, as my mom says, we'll have lots more memories to make in their next home!

Costa Rica: How About That Grandma Linda?

Three cheers to Grandma Linda for accompanying Tori to Costa Rica and filling in as a second parent for nearly two months.  It's hard enough to do this job when they're your own kids and you have to, but to volunteer (sort of) for this duty when you could otherwise be kayaking with friends or traveling kid-free is quite impressive!

No big deal.  Linda can handle four kids by herself (that's cousin Gavin in green).

Taking a much needed break.  I hear Linda isn't such a big fan of the Costa Rican heat.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Tori and the kids have been gone for almost seven weeks now.  This has its advantages and disadvantages.

In the week or two leading up to their departure, I was a total wreck.  I instructed everyone around me (including my boss and co-workers) not to say anything about Costa Rica or my family leaving.  I cried at night when I was trying to fall asleep and I also cried sitting in my office and in the lunchroom.  It was terrible.  

Then when they arrived in Costa Rica and I started Skyping with them, it was even worse.  Trying to hold a conversation with little kids over a bad video connection is hard enough, but I couldn't even talk.  I just cried when I saw their little faces.  And then Zadie would ask Tori why I was crying.  At one point, Grandma Linda said she had to leave the room because it was too painful to watch.  

I'm not even sure why I was crying -- I was just totally beset with weeping for a few weeks.  So that would be the worst of times.

Then it got better and it started to seem normal that I was living in L.A. and my wife and three kids were in another country.  Weird how things just normalize like that.  

And, all along, I knew that I should be using the time away from the kids to enjoy as much adult time as possible.  It was kind of hard to do this with the long hours and long commute, but a few weeks ago I moved into a new house close to work and so now I've had more time to do all the reading and writing I was going to do.  Just kidding!  I've had more time to get hooked on the HBO series "The Wire."  That's what I've been doing instead of blogging and reading books!

The best of times has really been the chance to spend time with family and friends.  I had a really nice adult vacation to San Diego to visit my parents, including a three-hour train ride that went by much too quickly.  I've also been fortunate to spend pretty much every weekend with dear friends that I don't get to spend enough time with otherwise -- with lots of sleepovers!  Here are photos from a very nice day last weekend at CicLAvia, a day when they shut down about 10 miles in downtown Los Angeles for bicycles!

Gourmet brunch at Short Order in The Grove. Just a tad nicer than my breakfast routine when the kids are around.

My bike was unavailable, but Pear let me borrow hers for a spin around 7th Street.

I've been soaking up lots of quality time with Pear, Benny, and Suzan (left to right).

Costa Rica: This Photo Makes Me Happy

Looking at this photo makes me really happy.  First, Zadie is so beautiful.  But more than being beautiful, she just looks so alive and fun.  What a little character she is.

I wasn't happy about the fact that Tori wanted to take the kids to Costa Rica for two months, but when I look at this picture of Zadie, I feel happy that she and her siblings got to have this wild experience.  I think it's been an amazingly fun time for them -- as Zadie reminds me every time we Skype, in Costa Rica she gets to have either an ice cream or a popsicle every day!  I'm not sure how much she and Skip will remember of all their adventures, but I'm pretty sure they'll remember the ice cream part.