The long visit

The last morning with our wonderful house guests. These are some of Erin's balloon creations. And they bought our kids the super cool safari book that Zadie is holding.

My friend Erin is known for her long visits. She once spent 3.5 weeks visiting our mutual friend Jenna -- in Milwaukee! I'm not sure many people in their twenties spend nearly a month vacationing in Milwaukee.

The long visits have kind of waned as we've gotten older and life responsibilities got in the way. So it was much to my delight when Erin informed me that she and her fiance and baby would be staying at our house for a whole month! Hooray, nobody does that, especially when you live out in the suburbs. Lucky for us, they were transitioning from living abroad and we were part of their re-introduction back to America!

We all loved having her family stay with us and were quite sad to see them go. The kids thought Erin was like a funny clown, capable of all kinds of tricks like balloon animals, origami designs, painting, and so much more. The boys especially loved rough-housing with Micah and Zadie was really hopeful that he could help her figure out her Rubik's cube since he is an engineer (no luck there). And Tori and I loved having the adult company, the extended family meals every night, and of course all the laughs that accompany a visit from Erin.

It was a great time. We need more visitors!

Camping at Joshua Tree!

Ack! It's been too long since I've blogged. So I'll finally try to catch up with some updates.

Last month we spent a couple of nights camping at Joshua Tree National Park. We spent a Sunday and Monday night camping there, so it ended up not being very crowded and we got a great campsite in a corner away from other people. The best part was that the "backyard" of our campsite was acres and acres of slabs of rock to run around on. The kids were totally enthralled with all the adventure and exploration, which made us so happy.

It's a long story as to why, but we ended up pretending that Easter was on Monday morning instead of Sunday, so Tori packed all of the Easter eggs and then we hid them after the kids went to bed. Joshua Tree is not a very conducive environment for hiding Easter eggs, but we did our best and the kids were super excited. The only hard part was keeping their squeals of joy at a manageable level of noise given that it was 7am and noise carries in the desert!

The kids with their loot on faux Easter morning. Now try to imagine hiding plastic eggs in that environment!

On one of our many rock scrambling adventures!

Zadie showing off her moves.

Sweeping the Nation

Anyone who has spend much time with youngsters lately knows these rainbow loom bracelets are sweeping the nation. They're like the friendship bracelets people were crazy about when I was a kid (I wasn't part of that trend or pretty much any trends when I was little).

Zadie was thrilled to get her own loom for Christmas and she loves sporting a whole "sleeve" of bracelets. But apparently her school, along with many others, have banned the things. Granted I don't know the details on why, but that seems a bit overzealous to me!

Anyway, Tori really wanted me to post about Zadie's love for these bracelets and how focused -- and obsessive -- she is about making all the different designs. She likes to learn new designs on YouTube.

I love this girl's attention span and strong focus!

We Got Jokes

The kids have recently taken an interest in telling jokes. Really bad jokes.

We've Got Jokes from Kate K. on Vimeo.

An Actual Studio Photo

I'm so glad that Tori's mom bought a photo session for a group photo. With a family this size, you need professional help!

Studio photos seem more and more rare these days, but I really like them. 

I present to you the Rogers Thanksgiving 2013 Family Photo!

Becoming My Father

I'm a thirty-something lesbian who lives in L.A. I majored in English lit and did the Peace Corps after college. Sometimes I drive my electric car to work, but most days I just ride my bike. Did I mention we used cloth diapers for all three kids?

I've got "left-wing" written all over me.

Yet lately something funny has been happening. I can't tell if some secret inner Republican buried deep inside me is starting to creep out or if I'm just turning into my father.

Zadie is now attending an alternative charter school that has a lot of unusual rules. For example, the kids can't wear any clothing or backpacks with commercial characters. Screen time is not allowed during the school week. The food you feed your children should be nutritious and preferably organic.

It just so happens that our family pretty much practices all of those principles anyway (we don't even own a television), but for some reason when I was sitting in the auditorium with all of the other parents a few nights before school started, I felt like rising up against the nanny state. I realized my stream of consciousness sort of resembled a Sarah Palin rant I'd heard before.

I've also been a little heavy-handed with a few situations at work lately, both involving a young employee who irritates me a little bit. Why does he irritate me? Oh, just because I don't think he shows proper deference to authority. Who am I?! I keep on telling myself that it's really not my job to go around trying to instill respect for authority into people, especially given that I don't even supervise this person! It reminds me of Gus from Lonesome Dove not tolerating rude behavior (my father suffers from this same affliction).

And I don't even need to tell you how many times I'm reminded of my father when I'm dealing with an unruly or disrespectful child of mine!

Lastly, one night when we were visiting Tori's family over Thanksgiving, I came back from seeing a friend and her family was playing a new, rather raunchy card game. I sat at the table and hung out for half an hour or so before I went to bed. Or at least that's what I thought I was doing. Later multiple in-laws told me they thought I seemed really uncomfortable and offended by the inappropriateness of the topics being discussed. I wasn't offended at all by the game and I actually thought it was really amusing. But, since apparently I've become my father, apparently I now exude some kind of fatherly/motherly disapproval and have serious facial expressions even when I'm having fun!

Don't get me wrong, there is no one in the world I love or admire more than my father. But he's the father and I'm the kid. This must be part of the aging process. I guess I've heard people joke about turning into their parents before, but I feel like this is kind of different. Maybe because we're not the same gender.

And because I'm a thirty-something lesbian who lives in L.A., majored in English lit and did the Peace Corps. My dad, on the other hand, is a successful businessman who grew up in East Texas in the 1950s and served with special forces in Vietnam. Kind of different.

You'd be off the mark if you tried to judge either one of us by the obvious demographics. You don't know what kind of authoritarian, traditional values streak lurks within this particular thirty-something L.A. lesbian. And you'd be pretty surprised about how thoughtful and open-minded a guy who grew up in segregated East Texas and served in the military can be.

I love you, Dad!

The Smiling Soccer Player

This was Skip's first season playing AYSO soccer. Let's just say he took it pretty seriously. He wanted to wear his uniform every single day and he was pretty serious about getting a good night's sleep the night before the game.

Despite this focus, the funny thing about Skip was that he had a big grin on his face the whole time he was playing. Other parents definitely commented on this, too. He was having a great time out there.

Because he just made the cut-off this year, he was a full year younger than some of the other boys. So he wasn't the best player on the team, but he definitely had good ball-handling skills, a good understanding of the game, and most importantly, a true joy about competing!

Kind of hard to tell from these photos, but you can sort of see a smile on his face. Zadie, I'm sorry we have no photos of you playing this season (or of Tori coaching you!), but it's only because there was a mom on Skip's team who sent me these photos! Sure wish I would have taken a picture of Coach Tori and her daughter.

Skip's Bike Skills

Skip learned how to ride a bike when he was two-and-a-half years old. He's a little bit small for his age, but extremely coordinated. Someone recently described him as being "very aware of where his body is in space," which is an interesting way to think about it.

Before it started getting dark so early recently, almost everyday when I'd come home from work Skip would be outside riding his bike on the sidewalk in front of our house. It's just a little strip he's allowed to do by himself, but he would madly pedal back and forth like it was a really important race or something. Of all the kids, he's the least interested in independent play, but riding his bike is definitely an exception.

So I'm posting these two photos in honor of Skip's mad bicycling skills!

More bicycling feats from Kate K. on Vimeo.

Skip's ramp skills from Kate K. on Vimeo.

Pomegranate Season

It's pomegranate season and we've been relieving all the neighborhood trees of their heavy, heavy burden. There was a nice one on city property that Tori climbed into one night for a whole bagful and also some neighbors who sent us a few bags. People seem to be letting them rot otherwise. We've loved adding them to salads and just eating them as a stand-alone snack.

Pomegranates were the one fruit I absolutely loved as a kid, I think because it was so rare that we had them.

I think this photo Tori took is beautiful in so many ways. Quite the bounty (and the mess).

Halloween 2013

This is the first year we've let one of our kids choose what they want to be for Halloween. Usually we give them a list of acceptable options and they pick within that, but Zadie really wanted to do her own thing. She wanted to make her own costume so she spent about two weeks making her robot outfit and finding random bits of silly stuff to glue gun onto the box.

We'll probably have to stop being so controlling about Halloween costumes soon, but Tori pretty much requires that they either use their imagination or let us use it on their behalf. We vetoed Skip's desire to be Batman and Charlie's desire to be Superman -- sorry, no superheroes! But when they older and care more, I promise we'll cede the battle. At this point they feel passionately about it for five minutes and then forget all about it.

Skip's In-N-Out costume was Tori's idea, of course while we were dining at that fine establishment. I chose this photo of the back of Skip because it shows she even got the oversized safety pin for the apron (for those poor out-of-staters who don't have In-N-Out Burger, it's a key part of the uniform!). He looked pretty legit. She made the red apron out of a red re-usable bag and just cut out the bottom and tied it around his wait with the arms from the bag. She also got a little In-N-Out lapel pin.

Charlie was the Tin Man this year, which is a homemade costume that Zadie wore twice and Skip has worn once. We were just thankful he actually agreed to keep the thing on because he's pretty stubborn about wearing costumes (and everything else!).

Tori's mom Linda came down from Washington to celebrate her favorite holiday with us. Sure wish I had asked her to get in the photos!

First Parent-Teacher Conference

Here's Zadie's easel in the backyard. This particular painting doesn't exactly
capture her creativity, but I like the expression on her face.

Yesterday Tori and I went to our very first parent-teacher conference. Zadie started kindergarten this year at a Waldorf-inspired charter school where they emphasize play and social and emotional development. We pretty much picked it because there's no homework until second grade. Yes!

Anyways, we weren't very surprised when the teacher told us how much Zadie loves the arts and crafts and also all the building projects. She loves projects and her attention to detail is pretty amazing. The teacher showed us a sewing project Zadie worked on and pointed out how wonderful her stitching is. We were honest and said we didn't know what was so special about that, so then the teacher showed us the other kids' sewing work and I have to admit I felt a little proud!

I was a little surprised when she shared that Zadie tends to hang back during recess and has generally preferred to play independently rather than with a big group of kids. I think this worries Tori a little bit, but not me because I love that Zadie is so independent and I'm sure she's way more social than I was at that age.

One suggestion the teacher made was that we might want to consider shielding Zadie a bit more from serious topics. She said that she really enjoys her conversations with Zadie, but that Zadie often discusses really heavy topics like blood and death and religion. We explained that it's likely because Zadie often asks me about the photos she sees in the newspaper. It's kind of hard to figure out sometimes how much to share, but I do try to be careful not to share too much (for example, the Sandy Hook shootings was a news story I didn't want her to know about at all, and she didn't). And ever since her Aunt Opal passed away suddenly last spring, she's been very fascinated by death and what happens after death.

I'm not really worried about Zadie's desire to talk about deep topics because I was very similar at a young age and I appreciate her interest in these topics. The teacher agreed with us that Zadie never talks about these subjects in a way that shows any kind of anxiety or sadness. It's really just curiosity and a desire to understand. She really enjoys those topics, so I don't plan on shutting down those conversations.

It was very interesting to hear the teacher's perspective on our mature little five-year-old. I laughed when the teacher described her as an "old soul" because people always said that to me when I was a child. Now I'm old in both soul and body.

Missing Child

Every night before we go to bed, we go into the kids' rooms and check on them to make sure they've got their blankets on them and whatnot (by "we" I mostly mean Tori!). This particular night when Tori went into the boys' room, one of the kids was missing...

Missing child from Kate K. on Vimeo.

Granddaddy Hal In Effect!

For a variety of reasons, I haven't been seeing as much of my parents that past six months as I would have liked, so I texted them Thursday and asked if they could come up this weekend. As they were mulling it over, I texted my dad that, though I wasn't trying to lay a guilt trip, Saturday night was the school's Father/Daughter dance and Zadie was really hoping he would come and take her to it! I think that may have sealed the deal.

My dad took his role very seriously. Both he and Zadie dressed up nicely and apparently they had a great time. To our utter surprise, Zadie danced all night long and even on stage (none of our kids are into dancing in public). Zadie actually said she was fine with Tori or I taking her to the dance and that she wouldn't be embarrassed (I'm sure that's coming in a few years!), but she was much more excited to have my dad take her.

Skip was devastated when he learned that he was going to be left out of the whole experience since he's not a student at the school. He cried and cried, until I told him we could call my dad and ask him if we would take Skip on a "special trip." So my dad took Skip out to breakfast early this morning and they got all decked out in cowboy gear -- those are Skip's brand-new chaps that my parents just gave him.

The kids were very happy to have these special experiences with my dad. Sorry to leave you out of this post, Mom, but this one was all about Dad. You know how the kids adore you!

Government Shutdown Diaries

I'll skip the political vent about the recent partial government shutdown and just share about the fun adventures we had during that 16-day period. I actually had to work the first two or three days as one of the "essential" personnel, but then I switched into serious shutdown mode. As happy as I was that the shutdown was over for a variety of rational reasons, I must admit that when I got the message at around 7pm that I had to go back into work the next morning it was kind of a shock to the system. The nerve of asking us to report for duty!

The good news is that Tori and I got to have lots of quality time with the kids and also together. The grainy photo above is our last day on furlough. We finally went to El Matador State Beach, which I've been wanting to go to for a long time. It's one of the more remote state beaches in Malibu and has beautiful rock formations (often used for filming!). We had an amazing time in the tidepools and exploring the caves and whatnot. Beautiful October day at the beach.

Because we had just hired a nanny to work three days a week and we didn't want to pass the furlough on to her (nor did I want to pay her for not working), Tori and I got to go on dates into the city. One day we went to the Getty Villa and shopping at our favorite consignment store in Santa Monica. Another day we caught the "Never Built" exhibit at the Architecture and Design Museum. And of course we spent lots of time in Manhattan Beach!

Hopefully we won't have another shutdown anytime soon. But if we do, we'll dust off our plans we had all lined up for the day we had to report to work -- spending the day at a Korean bathhouse!

Charlie Turned Three Years Old

Interview w/Charlie from Kate K. on Vimeo.

Our youngest child turned three years old a few months ago and I didn't even document the occasion. We had a nice birthday party for him in Manhattan Beach with friends and family, but instead of sharing photos from that day I thought I'd go ahead and post this video of me attempting to interview him (taken a few months before his birthday).

Someone recently started giving me the big talk about how you have to treasure these early years because they go by so quickly. But then right when I was starting to zone out from the conversation -- since it's one that I have so often! -- the person said something that stuck with me. She encouraged me to make sure and take videos when the kids are little so that we'll always be able to actually remember what they sounded like. I know this is not earth-shattering advice, but it was a good reminder since lately Tori and I have been absolutely terrible about taking photos and videos.

So I'm on a new kick not only to take more videos, but also to actually upload them off the iPad so that I won't permanently lose them.

One of the things I absolutely love about Charlie is the way he talks. Not only the way he sounds, but the funny stuff he says. I can't really capture much of that in a video (since he says all the funny stuff when I'm not filming), but I like this video because I think it captures his funny way of speaking.

5 Things to Remember About Mary Alice

So much has happened over the 4+ months since I last blogged. I won't try to capture all of it, but I do want to share that my dear grandma passed away. Despite growing up about 1500 miles away from her home in East Texas, I was very fortunate to have spent significant amounts of my childhood and adulthood with her and my granddaddy (thank you, parents, for making this a priority even when money was tight!).

My sister and I were going to give separate eulogies at her funeral back in July, but unfortunately the priest, said there was only time for one of us. Mine was a bit shorter than Kim's and had combined thoughts from other family members, so Kim graciously let me speak. Kim was going to share a version of this wonderful tribute she wrote to my grandma, which really captures our childhood time in East Texas.

I scratched out the eulogy on a notepad that's been sitting on the kitchen hutch and has since been scribbled over by the kids, so I figured I should write it down here so that I can keep it for posterity's sake (this is just an approximation since I just jotted down a few notes).

I started off the eulogy by explaining that family members had emailed my sister and I with some of their thoughts and memories of my grandma. I reflected on those and also my own experiences and felt really inadequate as a mother, wife, and member of society. When people die, it's pretty routine to lionize them and then carry on with our lives, but I really wanted to ponder what was so special about Grandma and use it to help me figure out how to better live my own life.

So I made a list. For myself and for everyone sitting in the church (and now for readers of this blog). I think Grandma would have appreciated a list!

5 Things to Remember About Mary Alice

#1: She had a grand sense of adventure.
--Most people wouldn't have thought it was particularly special to live near Rusk State Mental Hospital, but this location was a source of endless adventure for my grandma. When my aunt Kay worked there in high school, Grandma delighted in inviting residents over for lunch, including some who had criminal records. She also loved pretending to get lost in the East Texas woods just as she told us about an escaped resident that was last seen right in that vicinity. She enjoyed scaring the heck out of her kids and grandkids and could be very theatrical.
--When Grandma was 73 years old, she visited me in rural China. Talk about a foreign experience! But she stayed in my Peace Corps town, rode all the buses (some with chickens) and the trains, and gladly tried all kinds of new foods. She was a delight to host. Then she returned to her East Texas town and told everyone who would listen about what nice people those Chinese are! I imagine she got some funny looks.

#2: Grandma loved and appreciated everyone's story.
--Whether it was a resident at Rusk State Mental Hospital or someone she'd just met, she wanted to know and understand people's stories. And she always saw the best in people.
--In the history of the world, I'm not sure anyone has ever derived more pleasure from people-watching or eavesdropping than my grandma. I know that eavesdropping has kind of a negative connotation (and I'm sure she would object to me using that word), but Grandma was really just trying to understand people. In a restaurant, she was even known to shush her dining companion so that she could lean her chair back a little bit and hear a particular interesting tidbit from a stranger.
--Grandma visited me and my sister in San Francisco right before the start of the Iraq war in 2003 and we took her to a huge anti-war protest with about 100,000 people in the streets. Holy moly, did she love that. I'm not real sure what her stance on the war was, but she could appreciate an interesting spectacle more than most. The streets of San Francisco were filled with music, protesters, and crazy characters -- just a tad different than her average weekend in Texas. The trains were so crowded that my sister and I would yell out, "Excuse me, old lady coming through! Old lady coming through!" and just push our way in until we found her a seat. She thought that was hilarious.

#3: She was one of the hardest-working people you'll ever meet.
--My aunt Kay said in an email that my grandma "valued industry," which is quite an understatement! She was raised on a dairy farm in East Texas and begged her dad to let her milk the cows like her brothers. He soon relented, and then she was on the hook for all the hard work, not to mention waking up very early every single morning. But she didn't regret it -- her nickname was "Boots" because she was a tomboy who loved wearing boots and riding horses.
--Grandma raised six kids, kept an incredibly tidy home (some might say obsessively clean!), and never complained about a thing. I know that's the sort of thing you say after someone dies to make them seem like an angel, but I'm not exaggerating -- it's been verified by her kids! One of her kids' strongest memories was about how Grandma told them that there's always someone who has it worse than you do.
--Grandma had that Great Depression work ethic of "Waste not, want not." In junior high I fancied myself a big environmentalist and even had a Greenpeace sweatshirt about saving the whales. Then I remember watching her washing her used tinfoil and re-folding it so that she could use it again. I realized that, in so many ways, I could learn a lot about not being wasteful from this East Texas lady who didn't have much in common with those Greenpeace protesters.

#4: She took joy in the simple things.
--One of the things that kept surfacing in the emails I received from family is how good Grandma was at living in the moment. I used to be much better about this, but since I know have more responsibilities, I've noticed I'm not very good at this anymore. But that never stopped Grandma!
--Grandma loved listening to the radio, whether that was country music or a call-in radio show like Let's Talk (listening with her to all the oddball stuff that people tried to sell on the radio is one of my favorite memories). Grandma also loved a good burger more than anyone I know. She loved long drives on country roads. She loved Blue Bell ice cream (though she never really owned up to this one -- she'd always say she bought it for someone else!). And Grandma loved a good case of the giggles. I wonder when the last time was that I had tears streaming down my face because I had the giggles so bad...

#5: Grandma was a selfless woman.
--My aunt Kay shared a story about how she didn't have a dress to wear to a dance in high school and how Grandma stayed up late at night making her a beautiful dress that was nicer than all the other store-bought dresses the other girls wore. And how Grandma was so happy to give that gift.
--When a neighbor was suffering from an alcohol problem, Grandma took care of her newborn baby for six months while the woman recovered. This in addition to all the kids she had of her own. Can you imagine that kind of love and generosity?

So there you have it. Those are the five things I want to always remember about my grandma. Reflecting on just what made my grandma so special makes me feel closer to her. And makes me want to emulate her.

Hope you learned a thing or two from Mary Alice's life.

Missing Kooky Zadie

Zadie is having an action-packed summer. Her last day at pre-school was mid-June and she'll basically be gallivanting with grandparents until she returns home on August 13th. Right now she's in the middle of a three-week long vacation with Grandma Linda (more on that later, when Linda sends me photos from their adventures).

It's pretty weird not to have Zadie around. Besides some weekends and holidays, we won't be seeing much of her this summer. She's only five years old, but very independent.

So I thought I'd share a photo that captures what a funny little kook Zadie can be. Note the ribbon bow-tie, the makeshift belt, and the one pigtail up and one pigtail down.

We love you and miss you, Zadie Zoo! Your brothers keep asking about you. :)

Daily Newspaper Ritual (this time with Zadie)

I'm very devoted to the daily newspaper (Tori would say overly devoted!), so it made me very happy for Zadie to join in the fun a few weekends ago. She can only read basic words at this point, but she still likes to pick the words out. She's very curious about what she sees in the pictures, but unfortunately most of the topics are very complex and upsetting to try and explain to her.

Sometimes I feel scared about the fact that at least two of my three children are now at the point when they can pretty much remember everything from here on out. Like I really need to step up my game and be a lot nicer now that everything is on the record.

I try to think honestly and objectively about what my kids will remember about me during these early years. Though this isn't very flattering to share, I think the main things my kids will remember about me when they try to pull something out of their hazy memories will be newspapers, beer, a hot temper, and that I was the parent who hooked them up with treats. It's not that I drink a lot of beer, but a few nights per week I have a bottle of beer with dinner and the kids (and Tori!) like to make a really huge deal about that and Zadie even told her pre-school teacher that I love to drink beer (thanks for that, Zadie!).

I'd like to fix the part about having a hot temper, but I'm often torn between accepting myself as the parent that I am versus constantly trying to improve. I want to be better about my temper, but I don't want to be wracked with mom guilt and I also feel like it's okay if kids are on the receiving end of an angry parent every once in a while. Luckily, they have another mom who is much nicer (but not when it comes to treats!).

Superhero Brothers

Love the joy on their faces in this photo from a few months ago. And I can't believe Charlie was actually catching that much air. 

That's all. Just wanted to post this fun photo.

What Kind of Man Will Skip Be?

Skip cuddling with his new cowboy belt (with silver belt buckle!) from his Granddaddy Hal and Grandma Denise. The Wrangler jeans are from his moms.

Skips's new shark helmet from Grandma Linda. You can also see the planes he got from Aunt Susie.

Skip turned four last week and we had another Polaris birthday celebration. I've been thinking this past week about what kind of guy he'll become. It's impossible to predict, but here are some of the things I know about him so far:

• Big-hearted. Of all my kids, he's the most likely to share a toy or give a bite of his ice cream to another kid. He especially looks out for his little brother.
• Loves the pack. This is Linda's saying, but it's true that Skip is most happy running around with a bunch of other kids. He's extremely social. By the same token, he's the least interested in quiet time or independent play.
• Runs wide open and sideways. His energy level is significantly higher than the other kids and his favorite activities are tackling and wrestling. I think (and hope) he'll love team sports. 
• Call him Steady Skip. All kids have their ups and downs, but you can count on Skip to be as consistently happy as any child I know. He almost always has a big smile on his face.

Skip got his first report at pre-school the other day. The results weren't too shocking -- basically he got really high marks for all of the social categories (shows empathy, takes turns, etc.), but didn't do so hot in categories about his ABCs and numbers (more from a lack of interest than a lack of ability!). I'm perfectly happy with the results. His teacher wrote "Skip is very imaginative and friendly!"

He says he wants to be a firefighter when he grows up. He already thinks he's a cowboy. We'll see about that, but I do feel confident that he'll be a kind, loving, and a little bit bad-ass.